beauty

"The single best piece of dating advice I've received."

Image: iStock.

Dear Readers,

Happy 2016! This week I will provide you all with the single best piece of advice I have received during my many dating adventures. Adventures? Catastrophes? Really either word could work. Instead of offering up that I’m not qualified to provide actual advice, I will say that my friends (while also not qualified) have never lead me down a wrong path.

I trust them and hope you will too!

If there’s anything that you should know about me it’s that when I set out to date, I set out to date. I went through a time of rapid-fire first dates. It wouldn’t be unusual if I had three lined up in a week. I didn’t entirely know what I was looking for in a person. (Here’s some advice for dating after forty. Post continues after video.)

I wasn’t sure what qualities I liked. Should they have a good personality? Did I have a physical “type”? It was a learning curve for sure. These weren’t even dates that sort of went wrong. They were the kind of dates where I questioned if I should even be in control of deciding what was in my best interest.

These were dates where I found out the person I was out to dinner with had a decapitated rabbit tattoo and another of a drunk guy – no meaning behind either.

Another date got up in the middle of a generally quiet bar while sober to show me a vision quest rain dance he performed in the woods. Could I have had second dates? During a lot of these instances, yes. Would it have been worth my time or their’s? Probably not.

Then there were the dates that maybe there was a date two or three. Other problems revealed themselves which all stemmed from the same place. One individual suggested that I dress sexier and less like however I was dressing (probably like a hippie).

This wasn’t unusual as a short relationship in my early twenties required me to run each outfit I intended to wear by him if I were to be in a social situation where I was to interact with his friends. Another person begged me not to dye the ends of my hair purple.

I still did because I had only known this person for three weeks, and I could sense resentment following. (Post continues after gallery.)

This is the point in the story where I called up my best friend crying on the phone. “When everything seems wrong and you’re the only person in common with all of these situations, it’s you right?” I was certain I was the problem causing all of my dating woes.

In a way, I definitely was. He highlighted what my problem was. I wasn’t committing to being myself.

I could continue to be a chameleon and shape-shift myself into whatever version of Sami they were hoping for and make myself miserable in the process. The only other option was that I could just be myself.

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I am a handful. I like bright colours. I like talking about things I’m passionate about like TV. Sometimes (frequently) I trip over my own two feet. I’ve spilled on myself during a date. I like spontaneously gifting. I like sending random funny memes.

None of this is bad, it’s just who I am. I could continue to suppress who I really was and slowly let the reveal out, invariably disappointing who I was dating. I could continue to be a chameleon and shape-shift myself into whatever version of Sami they were hoping for and make myself miserable in the process. The only other option was that I could just be myself.

Image via iStock

Being yourself is not always a comfortable thing. I’m not telling you to be more confident. The answer is in authenticity. I’m an introvert and even in social situations I put on that temporary mask of seeming like an extrovert, but it’s very wearing.

Being yourself may not get you the most dates in the world. You may actually end up with fewer dates, but I’m guessing they will be of a higher quality.

The best piece of advice I ever received was being told that I was enough.

It’s tempting to find people to temporarily pay attention to a persona, but it can also leave you feeling very lonely. Wouldn’t you rather go on a date with someone you have things in common with than someone who read what was a “perfectly” put together profile?

You will never have to question if they like you for you because you’ve presented yourself as you are. We all have such varied interests and come from such random backgrounds. The best piece of advice I ever received was being told that I was enough. Guess what? You are too.

Here’s for better dating days ahead,

Sami

This was originally published on The Good Men Project. Read the original article. 

What is the best dating advice you have ever received? 

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