'I ask the men I meet on dating apps 3 questions. So far, I've had a 100% success rate.'

Listen to this story being read by Emily Vernem, here.

I’ve been dating for 10 years, so I guess you could say I’ve mastered the art. Or I'm super terrible at it since I’ve never been in a relationship.  

Whichever way you look at it, there’s one thing I know: dating apps. I know the ins and outs, I’ve learnt and re-learnt how the algorithm works and I’ve been there for every single update, upgrade and revamp. 

With that being said there is one thing I have never done and thought that I never would do, and that is use the auto-generated conversation starters that some dating apps provide. 

Watch: The horoscopes and virtual dating. Post continues below.

I always found them to be so cringe-y and a bit too intense to start a conversation. 

Fast forward to two weeks ago when I found myself frequenting the apps (as always) and I literally couldn’t think of anything to say. 

To be more specific, I was using the dating app Bumble where if you identify as a woman then you have to start the conversation. 

Great for female empowerment, horrible for when your brain is purely running on “answering mode” (this is when you have no strength to think of things to ask/say to the person you're messaging but you’re open to some light chats with them leading the conversation).  

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So there I was sitting on my couch on a Friday night eating UberEATS when I made a decision that I was sure I would never make. I tried the auto-generated questions. I know, I know, how sad/desperate/lonely am I? But wait, hear me out. Bumble has this new feature called the Question Game.

How does it work? Well, you choose one of the auto-generated questions and YOU BOTH have to answer. But wait (again), it gets better. You can only see each other's answers once you’ve both answered the question. Win, win. 

You can only see each other's answers once you’ve both answered the question.  Sounds easy enough? Wrong. 

I soon realised that I wasn’t the only woman out there who’s avoided resorting to using these questions.

How do I know this? Because many of the men I had matched with didn’t understand how these questions worked. I know what you’re thinking, “How could they not understand? It seems pretty self-explanatory.” 

I agree, but I thought I would give them the benefit of the doubt. Please see below for evidence of confusion.

This guy just answered the question with his own question. Annoying but funny and I made fun of him for it. 

This guy just refused to play the game and replied in the chat but didn't even answer. A straight unmatch on my end. 

However, once these men got the hang of it, the conversations that sparked from the question game were some of the best I’ve ever had. 

It allows you to completely skip the small talk. You not only find out really interesting things about the person you’re talking to but yourself as well. 

And now, although I’m not looking for anything serious, I’m seriously dating three of these men. 

I’m not going to disclose which three, sorry, but I will say that I've discovered the top three questions that've had a 100 per cent success rate (for me).

I’ve used each question on at least five people and they’ve all been amazing conversations. So whether or not you’re using Bumble, trying giving these a whirl. 

1. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?

2. What are the biggest strengths you bring to a relationship? 

3. How do you feel about your partner being friends with an ex?

I know they’re super random and don’t really make sense but Bumble is definitely onto something here.

P.S. Be aware that if you're a very sarcastic, extremely funny person like myself, these questions don't really work if the other person takes them more seriously than you do. Please see my failures below and happy questioning! 

For more from Emily Vernem, you can sign up to her newsletter, find her on Instagram, or read more of her stories below.

• "I was brutally rejected by someone I liked. So now I'm asking everyone out."
• "The dark side of dating no one talks about: The constant little heartbreaks."
• 'Don’t EVER use cat emojis.' A 2020 guide to dating through emojis.
• "I’ve just re-downloaded dating apps and all the men have…changed."

Feature Image: Mamamia

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