If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber . Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

When Danielle Asita decided to ring the man leaving hateful comments on her Instagram, she had had enough.

The Sydney-based mother of three, who posts under the username "overstimulated.mum", was no stranger to trolls, but this one had struck a nerve.

The man had been insulting the 33-year-old's appearance and was calling her names such as "whinging Karen", "desperate" and "yuck".

"He would comment pretty hurtful things," Danielle told Mamamia.

"After quite a few messages, I just thought, 'if this guy's going to keep commenting, I'd love to have a chat with him to see what his problem is.'"

Watch: Danielle shares the unspoken truth about kids, supermarkets and public tantrums. Post continues below.

Danielle realised the perpetrator had posted under a business account.

So, she tracked down his number and decided to tackle the situation head-on.

"I do get some hate on my videos, especially because my niche is talking about the mental load between mums and dads, and a lot of men do get very defensive — fair enough, each to their own," she explained. "But this particular guy was commenting on his business account. I was mind blown at that — I just can't comprehend how and why someone would do that."

If Danielle thought she'd walk away with a sense of closure and understanding from the interaction, she was sorely mistaken.

"He said, 'Oh, I'm not hating, I'm just joining in,'" she recalled. "It was kind of disgusting. He didn't really have much to say."

Then he hung up.

"I did try to call him back once. When he didn't answer, I just thought, you know what, I'm going to leave it there," Danielle said. "I just didn't want any more to do with it."

'You're not as anonymous as you think.'

Danielle recorded the confrontation and decided to share it online.

"I thought I would share the recording to take a stance against this; to show you're not invincible," she said. "People need to know that you can't just comment all this hate on people's profiles.

"It just goes to show that people can say a lot online, but then when you actually confront them, they're not who they say they are."

"People are saying, 'You put yourself out there online, you deserve this,'" she said. "But it's like — when you walk down the street past strangers, do you expect to be picked on? It's just mind-blowing how people try to change the narrative."

Some have even called her a bully.

"I'm like, what the hell? I didn't even bully him. I just tried to have a conversation."

The response to that video was overwhelming, so Danielle decided to pull it down.

"Just be kind, there are people behind the screens," she said in a post, explaining the decision.

The accountability gap.

Danielle started her account to help other mothers as she was exhausted by the performative versions of motherhood online.

"I was just sick of seeing all the fakeness on social media and all the mums that kind of act like motherhood's amazing 24/7 with their perfect houses, their perfect clean lounges," she said. "Having three kids under five, it's like a s**t show all the time. I just wanted to help other new mums feel seen — like it's not all rainbows and butterflies, and that doesn't mean you don't love your kids."

Danielle believes the bullying incident, and the corresponding reaction, highlights a much broader problem with online behaviour: the fact it often has no meaningful consequences.

Listen: We unpack the unwritten rules of family boundaries and why tension is the price we pay for a village. Post continues below.

In her first month of posting, a stranger told her to go and kill herself.

"People are ruthless," she said. "It's sad and disgusting just the fact that people can do this. It's a scary world out there."

With children of her own, she is concerned about the digital landscape they're inheriting.

"It's a scary world out there. Even though my kids are still so young, it's scary thinking about what they're going to deal with in ten years' time," she said, explaining she's concerned about online bullying in particular.

"People just can't do this, and I hate that there's no consequences for it.

As for the troll?

Danielle blocked him immediately after the call. She hasn't heard from him since.

Feature image: Supplied.