We need to talk about Dakota Johnson saying she wasn’t wearing makeup at the Oscars.

Video by MWN

Something weird happened on the Oscars red carpet and we need to talk about it.

Fifty Shades Darker actress Dakota Johnson was being interviewed by Ryan Seacrest about progressive topics such as her outfit but also her face, when she remarked, “I’m not going out wearing any makeup.”

The statement was vague.

The tense was wrong.

It was confusing.

Seacrest clarified, “You’re not wearing any makeup?” clearly interested in whether the 27-year-old was actually claiming that she was currently on the Oscars red carpet wearing no makeup.

“No,” she responded, shaking her head.

Wait, what? Image via Giphy.

She didn't elaborate further, going on to discuss her dress and her work.

News sites are, of course, having a field day with her comments, with many assuming she was being completely serious about not wearing any makeup.

But... she's clearly wearing eye shadow. And mascara.

Wut. Image via Getty.

And lipstick. And foundation. And blush.

Right. Image via Getty.

So we're going to make the only possible logical conclusion that can come from this.

She was joking. Like ha-ha. 

Like when people say "I woke up like this," while wearing a full face of makeup and having had their hair professionally done. Or when someone asks if I ate that whole packet of Maltesers, and I respond dryly, "no."

She was being sarcastic.

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But it's very confusing for us when a woman makes a joke. What is she... why is she... what is she doing? Isn't she meant to just stand there and look beautiful? Why would she say something that isn't true? That's very odd.

Of course, the major problem is that the joke wasn't really that funny, and neither she, nor Ryan Seacrest, actually laughed. THINGS ARE HARD FOR US ON OSCARS DAY, OKAY? IF SOMEONE DOESN'T EXPLICITLY SAY THEY'RE JOKING HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY KNOW?

Were you telling the truth or not, Dakota? Do we laugh at you or with you? This is very emotionally stressful.

We don't understand. Image via Giphy.

Perhaps the ambiguous sarcasm of Dakota Johnson will always remain a mystery. Maybe her role in Fifty Shades has her believing in 'alternative facts,' like 'it's normal to sign a contract when you enter into a relationship,' and 'most men have a sex dungeon.'

She might really think she wasn't wearing any makeup, even though she clearly was. After all, that wouldn't make her all that different from a lot of people in the landscape of the US today.

Listen to Mamamia's recap of the Oscars. 


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