The 11 types of dads you see at the park.

dads you see at the park

To be fair, I’ve been most of these dads at one stage or another.

Except Sleazy Dad, because my wife would kill me.

1. Intense Sports Dad.

He’s demonstrating how to pack a scrum, but his daughter really isn’t interested. Intense Sports Dad has witches hats, portable soccer goals and he’s wearing a work out shirt. Even if its 10 degrees.

Video via Jeffrey Charles

2. Hangover Dad.

Sunglasses. Coffee. And several trips to the public toilet in the park. It’s Hangover Dad. Most of often spotted on Sunday Mornings at your local park, but if Hangover Dad makes a regular appearance at the park during the week it’s probably time to give his wife a call.

3. Pinterest Slave Dad.

He’s rearranging the table settings to make sure that the flower arrangement doesn’t take attention away from the candy stripe napkins. Pinterest Slave Dad’s wife asks for nothing short of Pinterest perfection. He’s tells us he’s “happy”, but as he arranges the vintage paper straws a single tear rolls down his cheek and falls on the bespoke piñata in the shape of a strawberry.

Video via Jeffrey Charles

4. Paparazzi Dad.

Takes photos of EVERYTHING. The trees. Play equipment. And about 2000 photos of his kid sitting on the grass. Yep, just a baby sitting on the grass. He is clicking away at everything with his DSLR as if Angelina Jolie and Kim Kardashian got in a catfight in front of the Opera House.

5. Hygiene Dad.

Box of anti-bacterial wipes in one hand while Hygiene shifts position between Helicopter and Lawn Mower parent around the perimeter of his child. Hygiene Dad would make an excellent secret service agent because nothing will get between him and his child. Not even a microbe. The park/playground will be so clean the area could be used for open-heart surgery.

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6. Negligent Dad.

He’s sitting at the on the bench outside the play area mindlessly scrolling through his wife’s bff’s Instagram feed. Don’t judge, he claims she’s his friend, too….he just likes to check up on his female buddies when they’re wearing bikinis. Meanwhile, Negligent Dad’s kid is terrorising the other children at the park.

Image via iStock.

7. Squad Dad.

A horde of zombie-like grandparents follow Squad Dad wherever he goes. Squad Dad will invade your personal space as his squad zombies tramp right through your cricket pitch, family photo or even your picnic mat wielding iPhones to capture every precious moment.

8. Apology Dad.

Apologising for his naughty kid that is bullying all the polite kids that have been raised well. You wouldn't have to say "sorry" to the entire universe if you DISCIPLINED YOUR KID!

9. Sleazy Dad.

Sleazy Dad sees a trip to the park as an opportunity to pick up, even though he's 45, married, balding and supposed to be supervising young children. Sleazy Dad will make a beeline for yummy mummies. Au pairs are his jackpot. Example: Ben Affleck. Sleazy Dad isn't malicious, he just mistakenly thinks that young women are interested in his fake concern. The reality is that he was hot back when Vanilla Ice was also hot.

Video via Jeffrey Charles

10. Finally Popular Dad.

He's finally found his audience and the kids at the playground absolutely love him. Finally Popular Dad is standing in the centre of the see-saw, using his 90-odd kgs to create the ride of a lifetime for around twenty kids at a time (which is 16 kids more than the council's safety recommendations). Finally Popular Dad wants to stop because he can't handle the intense cardio workout, but kids keep screaming "MORE RIDE!!! MORE RIDE!!!" Popular Dad is also adored by mums; who watch on as they take the opportunity drink goon from plastic cups as they 'supervise' their children.

11. Hipster Dad.

Painfully suave. Wearing a Donald Duck t-shirt. Except his kid can't wear a super hero costume; it's not ironic enough. The kid is wearing braces, Ray-Bands and a bowler hat. Hipster Dad's kid has the pleasure of playing with a wooden gender-neutral toy dog from Iceland. Instead of being glued to his iPhone, Hipster Dad is reading a Haruki Murakami book while he drinks an organic chai-latte.

Jeffrey Charles: "To be fair, I’ve been most of these dads at one stage or another."

To be fair, I’ve been most of these dads at one stage or another.

Except Sleazy Dad, because my wife would kill me.

Which type of dad is your partner?

 

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