kids

Toddler spews in car. Dad freaks out. Shares texts to his wife.

When dad Ben Patterson was left with his kids while his wife spent time with friends, he probably thought it was no big deal.

‘What could go wrong?’ he might have chuckled. ‘Being a dad is so fun!’

Being a dad is SO fun! Image via Columbia Pictures.

But what ensued was pretty much the exact opposite.

In a Facebook post that has garnered 83,000 likes and almost 140,000 shares, Ben outlines what went down on that fateful day.

His status reads,

Last night I was supposed to watch the kids, so my wife and I swapped cars after work so she could head out with some friends. On the way home, projectile vomit occurred and the whole time my wife wasn't answering her phone.... See the ensuing text messages.

Ben initially sent his wife a picture of his son, Declan, covered in vomit.

'So this just happened,' he wrote. 'I just pulled over and am trying not to throw up myself.'

'Call me.'

It appears that Stephanie did not call. Because she is a boss lady.

'I just threw up trying to clean him up,' Ben continues. 'It smells SO BAD.'

Still no response from Stephanie, because... boss lady.

'I'm standing on the side of the road dry heaving, I can't even be in the car it's so awful,' writes Ben. The imagery is truly outstanding.

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The drama continues as Ben describes to his wife, 'I'm barfing every time I try to clean him up.'

'I'm puking on some lady's lawn in Burlingame and she comes out to ask while I'm drunk while driving the kids.'

via GIPHY

'ARE YOU DRUNK? I'M JUDGING YOU. AND SO IS MY CAT.'

'I'm trying to explain that I'm a sympathetic vomiter and can't handle the smell.'

Ben's tenacity is really impressive. Stephanie isn't replying, mate.

Is it just me, or is this the image you get of Stephanie and her friends?

'Walk a mile in my shoes, darling!' Image via HBO.

Believe it or not, the situation gets worse.

'Aaaand now the cops showed up,' Ben texts his wife.

'Because they have nothing better to do in Burlingame.'

In all seriousness Ben, they probably don't. This is hilarious.

'Aaaand now a breathalyzer.' I'm really glad they're one-use-only. I'd hate to use it after Ben.

Mums are good at lots of things. Sometimes texting isn't one of them. Watch the Mamamia team reveal the last text they received from their mum. 

'YOU OWE ME SO BIG,' he continues. 'Meanwhile Declan continues to barf.'

'WHAT DID HE EAT BECAUSE IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTING WHALE BLUBBER.'

You can read the full text-exchange here:

I love, and I mean LOVE, how little Stephanie cares.

Eventually, Ben drives home, still begging his wife to call him. Hopefully his Saturday afternoon ordeal gave him a taste (pun intended) of the dramatic experiences mums deal with all too often (typically, although not always, far more than their husbands).

And fortunately, Ben seems to have come away from the drive home with an appreciation of the little things.

'At least I passed the breathalyzer.'

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