“I feel like we’re flatmates. We’re best friends and I can’t see myself with anyone else, but all we do these days is cuddle.”
“My husband and I never cuddle, yuck. It feels soft and mushy, I think it makes our sex hotter not to.”
“I’ve been with my partner for a decade. He’s the father of my children and we know each other intimately, but we haven’t been lovers for about a year.”
Above are just a few insights that came out of a recent office chat. What started as a funny rant about how some people hate it when their partner tries to massage them quickly turned into an impassioned debate on whether cuddling is kryptonite for a hot sex life.
Now, we’re not talking about women who do or don’t like cuddling or physically being touched, for whom getting a massage is akin to hearing nails scrape down a chalkboard. This is a conversation about women who feel like they’re cuddling more than they’re having sex. Or instead of.
Do a quick Google search and you’ll find studies and opinions about the positive and negative effect cuddling can have in relationships, particularly for cohabiting couples. For some, it’s essential for building intimacy, and for others, it’s like “pouring water on the flames of passion.” Yes, one of my colleagues actually described cuddling with her partner in this way.
To find out if the physical act of cuddling is indeed killing your sex life, Mamamia spoke to two sex and relationship experts, as well as women in relationships for their perspectives.
Side note – Samantha X shares her advice on how to have better sex below. Post continues after video.
The case against cuddling.
Arguably the most high-profile expert in the anti-cuddling corner is international relationship expert and author Esther Perel. In her best-selling book Mating In Captivity, Perel talks about love resting on two pillars: togetherness and separateness. Too much of one and the other one suffers. In this context, cuddling represents togetherness, and desire and eroticism, separateness.