real life

"The most cringe-worthy entries in my high school diary."

Most of us have fond memories of our high school days.

I can now tell you that, my friends, is because we have managed to repress all the EMBARRASSING experiences that littered our drama-filled teenage lives.

Trust me. I recently looked back through my old teen diaries – which were all from my then-favourite magazine Dolly by the way – and discovered that I had managed to forget a lot about my time at high school.

Listen: A high schooler’s book collates letters from famous Australians to their teenage selves.

I really didn’t need to go looking through my 2005-09 diaries to be reminded how dramatic, obsessive and positively lame I was as a teen. But I did.

Pouring over the pages I uncovered some nuggets of truth I had managed to forget about myself. Like the fact that for a brief period I chose to drop the ‘a’ in ‘and’ in all my writing (to save precious seconds I presume). Or that I had once thought that analysing every interaction with a boy was a good way to figure out if he liked me.

So here, purely for your entertainment, are the most embarrassing excerpts from my high school journals, spelling mistakes and all, with commentary and context from my now 25-year-old self (who is cringing so hard right now).

Dolly diaries were the best. (Image supplied.)

WARNING: People who have experienced similarly cringe-inducing teenage mishaps may find this post triggering.

That time I thought my boyfriend's patronising was sweet.

8 January 2009. My boyfriend had come to my house after school and we were hanging out. There's really no lead in, and I don't know why but, according to my diary I'd said something like 'yeah and then I'd suffocate' - in a joking way.


And he's like "aw, then who would I fool around with?" I hit him ;). Then he or me said something about me just bein a pretty face nd I said "Is that all I am to you?" Lol.
Then he's like "yea". Lol. I know he was kiddin and then he says "Nah, you don't stay this long with just a pretty face. :) :) :)

I wish I could say this was an isolated incident, but alas, I found at least five more similar exchanges carefully recorded. Cheesy, cheesy lines that I fell for hook, line, and sinker - all with a dash of patronisation. I also remember this particular boy's favourite word to describe me was "cute".

And when I couldn't contain it all within the confines of an A5 diary page, I wrote it on a lined page and stuck it in as a lift-out. (Image supplied.

That time I was just following around the "cool" kids.

28 May 2008. Okay, so I thought I was being really cool here, hanging out with the kids in the year above me and rebelling. Some particularly bad spelling here - I can only assume this is a result of too many hours on MSN messenger.

Wednesday was cross country. Soo much fun. I was walking with the year 12s. And we walked. The whole way - on the guys 5km track. It was funny and fun. I was tryna push Tom* in a puddle and he was tryin to get me.

Nd then we got back to the oval. Ms Bramwell was like really mad. She told the Year 12s they were supposed to be back ages ago nd yelled at us for doing the 5km track and for walking. Then she said something to me "...and you walked with them to be with, I do believe, an ex-boyfriend." OMG. She can't tell me why I walked with them. Tom thought it was funny.

Truthfully... Tom probably did have something to do with my decision to walk with the older kids. I'm not proud. I do remember this is one of my few acts of rebellion in high school. That and refusing to do up the top button of my dress one day. I know what you're thinking - what a badass.

Can I just take a second to say how awesome Dolly diaries were? I mean, look at these handy celeb birthday reminders. Delta Goodrem's bday was must-know information. (Image supplied.)

That time I thought the boy I was obsessed with liked someone else by reading way too much into a conversation.

23. March 2007. What you need to know about this is that Sam* was my friend who I had a secret crush on and never told. I would say it borders on obsessive the number of pages I spent analysing every interaction we had.

Sam doesn't like me But it's okay. I know for sure. I asked him wat he was doing on the weekend. He said "I don't know". Seconds later Em comes up. He smiles. And tells Em he's working. I think he likes Em. (Em has a tiny crush on him I can tell.)

Could you, Cait? Could you? It seems like I may have been reading a little too much into this.

That time the boy I was terrified to talk to the boy I'd lost my virginity to.

13 November 2007. I had lost my virginity to a boy at a party after some underage drinking. Classic. The guy and I liked each other, but I realised after my bizarre reaction - avoiding him at all costs - that this was probably a little too soon in life for this kind of intimacy for me.

Today I will. But I didn't. Ahh… I don't know what's wrong with me. Really. I talked to Jason* at least. Aw I ♥ him. But I dunno... why hasn't he text me? I don't think he likes me as much as he did. I don't get why though.

Haven't you seen a teen movie, like ever, 16-year-old Cait? This is the cliché. You are living the guy-has-sex-with-girl-and-so-is-done-with-her cliché.

What's wrong with me? Do I just become boring? But self doubt's getting me nowhere. I'm awesome. Heaps of people love nd care about me. Nd heaps of guys have wanted to pick me up. So yeah. I reckon I'll just text Jason tomoz. On the bus ride home.

Loving the self-talk here. I was super impressed with myself, up until the point I measured by self-worth by how many guys wanted to "pick me up". For anyone younger than 22(?) that means "hook up", for anyone older than 30(?) that means "pash".

Remember Dean Geyer? (Image supplied.)

That time I almost missed the bus.

16 March 2007. Prepare to be enthralled here - because this was tense.

Lol = how I almost missed the bus Friday. The bell went and I walked to my locker tryna find a stupid note. I ran out and tried to hand it in at the office then I ran and saw my bus was driving away!!! Ahhh! I was so scared and stressed. LOL. I didn't cry. I went to the other side to see if I could catch it but it wasn't there. I crossed the road as six buses drove past. LOL. Waved down the wrong bus. OMG woops. Then I saw Em! LOL. It was embarassing when I got back on the bus. It waited for me. Embarrassing, thrilling, exciting, scary. Relief!!!

And it's here that I end this trip down memory lane - because it doesn't get more cringe-worthy than that.

*Names have been changed.

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