We've all dated a Courtney. Here's a tribute to every single woman, everywhere.

Hello, reader friend. I would like to talk about something that I saw on The Bachelorette last night.

This. I want to talk about this.


Yep. Courtney - AKA the contestant who now represents every man who has ever left a member of the sisterhood thinking "what the actual fucking fucksticks fuck".

I know I wasn't the only one who slammed their cup of tea down on the coffee table when - after Osher explicitly told the men they were racing towards Georgia Love - Courtney did this instead:

^ This is so many levels of no I can't even use my words. All I can say is CAN WE HAVE THE CUTE DATE-ORGANISING PIRATE COURTNEY BACK NOW PLEASE?

At the risk of sounding hyperbolic, this Paisley shirted dude is the distillation of everything that is wrong with single men.

He's the funny local barista with nice hair who told you he loved you and then ran off with a smelly vegan one week later.

He's the guy you dated for a few chemistry-filled months in uni before he dropped you like it's hot without so much as an explanation text.

He's the one who whisked you off for a romantic weekend away then proceeded to tell you he 'wasn't looking for anything serious right now, ya kno?'.

Basically, HE'S THE WORST. (I know this is a lot to dump on a perfectly pleasant dude who I've only encountered on a highly edited TV show, but I'm running high on pure raw emotion and a tiny amount of unresolved anger here.)

Watching our Queen Bach Lady Georgia struggle with the "we get along so well, and yet he's being a disinterested jerk" feelz made me realise something:

We've all had our hearts mercilessly stomped on by a Courtney. In fact, being crushed by a Courtney is basically a right of passage to womanhood.

There's one important condition, of course. When dating a Courtney, you're always oblivious to the fact he's a Courtney. Similarly to Georgia, you're probably mesmerised by a combination of the following instead:

  • His comparatively high level of hygiene
  • His quirky yet undeniably adorable preference of collared shirt
  • His persistence on saying the total exact opposite of what he's actually feeling
  • His Oscar Logie Year-12-drama-class level of acting ability

Georgia, my dearest galfrand, if you're reading this I want you to know something:

WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE. Just try to spend less time on the Courtneys of the world and more on the Lees and Camerons.

And to the real Courtney? If you don't like her enough to commit, don't waste her time.

Otherwise, you'll have me and women all over Australia out to destroy those disgustingly handsome shirts you wear. The choice is yours.

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