'I was writing a speech for my sister's wedding. It ended up being her eulogy.'

Alex Ostebo felt invincible travelling on her once in a lifetime trip across Europe, when she woke one evening in a panic, rattled by nightmares. 

Not looking at her phone, in hopes she could drift back to sleep easily, she stirred in the morning to a screen filled with unopened text messages and missed calls. 

A dread, and a knowing, filled her body. 

She turned to her husband and said, "It's Denali". 

Alex, then 32, knew the urgency of her family in the US trying to reach her in Switzerland meant something horrific had happened to her best friend, her 29-year-old sister, Denali.

She called her mum back and when Alex heard, "We're driving to Kentucky", her sister’s hometown, she threw her phone against the wall.

In June 2023, Alex's sister Denali laid down for a nap, and never woke up.

Image: Supplied.

Days later while going through her sister's things Alex found a journal entry that took her breath away. 

On a page asking, "Would you want to live forever?". Denali wrote, "Absolutely not, when it's my time, it's my time".

Five years after writing it, her time was up. She was on the cusp of 30, and months away from marrying the man of her dreams. 

"I was composing her Maid of Honour speech when she passed, so I had to write her eulogy instead," Alex tells Mamamia.

"I know it sounds hyperbolic, but Denali and her fiancé were soulmates. I'll love him forever, as if he was her."

"Everything has this missing piece".

Alex and Denali grew up the only siblings in a military family. Three years apart and inseparable, they were each other’s only constant as they moved every two years. 

"We were very close, even though I'd boss her around like older sisters do. The adorable thing is, looking back, she never minded it, if she was included," Alex says.

Goofy and joyful, Denali loved cooking, community and had a "heart of gold" she shared with her family, fiancé and dog Bailey. 

Image: Supplied.

Now her loved ones feel hollow without her.

"Holidays feel empty, being with my parents feels empty, family vacations... everything has this missing piece," Alex says.

"The world has to keep spinning but it is painful just how little the world stops for someone when they pass."

"My biggest regret".

Alex had been having a magical day at the storybook village of Gruyeres, outside Geneva, hours before her life turned upside down.

Watch: MM Confessions: Why I last cried at work. Post continues after video.

When she saw the missed calls, she knew someone had died. 

"I have grandparents and other people in my life with health issues, but I knew it was Denali. I told my husband… and said, 'If it's Denali I don't know what I'm going to do'."

Her intuition was right. In a twist of cruel fate, Alex missed a chance for a final conversation with her sister that day. 

"She asked me to call her a day prior and with the time difference and travelling I'd forgotten. I'll regret that forever," she says. 

***

Instead of a funeral, Denali’s family held a celebration of life where Alex read the speech she had started preparing for her sister’s wedding.

Alex should have been standing by her sister’s side as she married her dream partner, instead, the pair held each other up as they read out happy memories of Denali.

Guests at the celebration wore the colour of sunshine over black, and threw wreaths with messages into the water off her parent’s deck before dancing into the night to Denali’s favourite songs.

“It turned out to be the best decision for our family and resulted in a beautiful, incredibly sad day that brought us all together.”

No cause of death found.

The reason for Denali's death has never been determined. She passed peacefully during a nap after work. 

Denali had no drugs in her system, no pre-existing conditions and no one else was at home at the time. 

A Coroner’s report listed the cause as 'unknown'. 

While Alex struggles with the mystery, her family is at peace. 

"When the reason is 'unknown’', there is nothing or no-one to be angry at, there is no "oh, we could have prevented her death" so my parents are happy to leave it at that," she says. 

"I'm the only one who feels the most uneasy about this answer."

Image: Supplied.

This discomfort has led Alex down an unusual path of dealing with her grief. She's turning her mortality questions into a novel inspired by her sister. 

The English major has always dreamed of becoming an author, now she gets to do it by keeping her sister's memory alive. 

The idea came to her while visiting Denali’s fiancé's home, as the shock of the death wore off and she started "spiralling". 

"I found a spot where I could sit on my own and wondered where she went and whether I believed in an afterlife or reincarnation," she says. 

"I started to create this story in my head of her journey through the afterlife. If I could 'bring her back to life' in this way and share her story, then she wouldn't be forgotten.

Alex sees Denali everywhere.

Writing the Afterlife series has been Alex's most important and unexpected therapy. 

It's part of her 'mental gymnastics' to keep from falling off the edge of heartache. Also in her toolkit is practising gratitude, finding joy in small moments like hiking and date nights, and looking for signs of Denali. 

"She is a very powerful spirit and with crazy energy," Alex says. 

Many of these moments have been shared on TikTok. When the family first got together after Denali's death a rainbow appeared in a cloud shaped like a Phoenix. After Denali’s partner spread her ashes in the foundation of the house he built, a heart appeared in the concrete — and is still there months later. 

Image: Supplied.

On the first day of a recent trip to Alaska, Alex walked by a boat called Denali. The two sisters had planned a trip there before her untimely death.

Feeling Denali around her, and writing her novel, has left Alex more spiritually curious. 

"Before Denali's death, I liked to imagine that there was something after this, but it wasn't something I understood," she says. "I've always been fascinated by reincarnation and the idea of souls, but I didn't have personal experience."

"Since Denali's passing, I believe that there is something beyond this. The things I've seen and the number of times I've seen them, it's too crazy to be a coincidence."

Image: Supplied.

Fantasy series based on Denali.

Her "deeply personal" book, due out in 2025, is a magical, fast-paced fantasy series following the character of Denali. 

She hopes it will resonate with people who have lost a loved one, but any reader can pick it up because death is one thing that "binds us all together".

The first novel called Realm Jumper has references to Denali including her time serving in Iraq, her dog Bailey, and Easter eggs like her favourite colour and flowers. 

Helping her bring the story to life is Denali's 'One Question A Day' journal — which included the question about living forever. 

"When I read it, I feel closer to her. I get glimpses into her thoughts that I hadn't seen before," Alex says. 

By sharing her story of finding purpose after death, Alex hopes it gives faith to those drowning in loss. 

"We can't go back in time… The only thing we can do is go forward because if you let this be the end for you too then you're taking life for granted," she says. 

"The pain of grief will always be there but don't let it stop you. I urge you to live to the fullest and make that person you lost proud of your strength and courage."

Feature image: Supplied.

Calling all Australians aged 18+ years! Take our survey now to go in the running to win a $50 gift voucher.