real life

"I don't hate the woman who stole my husband, not even one bit."

So it started in 2006 when I met this amazing man who was a farmer and did I just say “amazing?” I mean, he was a… man. So a few years later we got married against my better judgement but what even was that? I was in love and my dreams were coming true.

I fell pregnant with our first child shortly after we got married and it was amazing and exhausting all at the same time. He didn’t do much to help, he was always making excuses to not be home or make me feel loved. He would even regularly put himself in a position where rumours would start and I would have to defend him.

So I fell pregnant with our second about a year and a half after our son was born. Things were strained. He met up with a girl who he had known a long time. They started having an affair. She would drive past and meet him on the farm. I would go crazy with stress and worry while trying to stay sane for my unborn child’s sake. It was all my fault though, apparently.

This was a typical affair. He couldn’t choose between us the poor guy. So after the baby was born and he still had his girlfriend, he filled me with hope many times by having sex with me and telling me he would break up with his girlfriend.

"There is life after cheating husbands and life after divorce." (Image: Getty)

Now I can’t say what was going on in my head but it was pretty messed up and confusing. On one hand I wanted to save the marriage at all costs and thought the only way to win him back would be to keep sleeping with him hoping he would fall back in love with me. On the other hand I wanted to escape from the pain and torture of being let down time after time. Twenty three times in fact. Even after I moved to a nearby town, he still gave me hope we would fix things. I believed him. well I said I did but deep down my self esteem was crushed and I clung to any hope of being wanted.

Time after time he would promise me that we’d spend time together but then he would cancel at the last minute and low and behold images of them together would emerge on social media. But it was still all my fault for snooping and digging for answers.

The last straw for me came when he told me they had broken up for good and he just wanted space. I let him have all the space he needed apart from a few long texts about how much I love him. Then a friend called me and told me that the other woman was at the farm for a party. I called him and he said he was going to tell me the next day. I said to him that he had lied to me for the past time and I was done. Now he didn’t have a choice of women... he was stuck with her.

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coping with a divorce
"This was a typical affair. He couldn’t choose between us, the poor guy." (Image: Getty)

Soon after that, remember how I said it was a typical affair? Well sure enough they announced their engagement and soon after that... you guessed it, baby on the way.

I was all alone, all my family lived in the north of Queensland and I was in the south. I lasted a year after I ended it with him before I made the decision to move with the children to my family. I have since then won majority custody and the children and I are thriving while he is stuck in the same rut doing the same thing.

Anyone in their right mind would think I would hate the other woman, I don’t hate her one bit. I did at the time of the affair, I couldn’t believe someone could do that but they do, don’t they. I feel very sorry for her actually, she is stuck in my old shoes and bragging about the jobs on the farm she does. Maybe she has to justify to herself that she did the right thing.

I don’t know what she thinks but I do know that she should trust her gut over what comes out of his mouth because once a cheater... who’s to say she isn’t so insecure that she will find another bloke to make her feel special like her own husband apparently didn’t. It makes me sad that someone can strive to get a better life but does it by taking another woman’s husband when there are children and unborn babies involved.

I am confident that it was by far the best thing to ever happen to us.

LISTEN: When Dr Ginni Mansberg got divorced, her life changed for the better (post continues after audio...)

I am now determined to help other single mums out there by writing my story and also teaching single mums to budget when they have nothing but government help to survive on. It is a struggle but I want to encourage single parents to just keep going and don’t beat yourself up by looking in the past at the decisions you made, to fight for your marriage and then it failed anyway. If someone tells you it is your fault they cheated, then tell them it’s their fault that they miss out on you. Their loss. Move on to a better life because nobody deserves to be treated like a dog being let on and off the leash, set yourself free of that pain.

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Although I haven’t been on a date for 18 months, I just have high standards now. Totally grateful that I have standards for my babies to look up to and eventually I might find a man that the kids will love and adore and see what a man of good character actually means.

Lean on family and friends that have your back. Those that make excuses to support your ex husband is on them, they lost you and I have learned a valuable lesson. It doesn’t matter what you do, always tell the truth and you will be winning. You may lose friends like I did because it’s easier for them to stick to what they know and then those friends blame you for putting them in the middle.

"I am confident the divorce was by far the best thing to ever happen to us." (Image: Getty)

That’s when you give them a little push over to the other side of the fence, you do not need to justify why you make decisions after being through such a traumatic time. I often think, if the shoe was on the other foot how would that friend want me to act? What would they want me to do? And its not to choose their husbands team after cheating and justifying my actions by telling them it was their fault because they put me in the middle.

A true friend will stand up for what is right and anything else, trust me, you don’t need. It will drain you. Be around people that build you up, lift you up, hold you up and stand firm in the army line next to you, being bold and strong when you can’t be.

There is life after cheating husbands and life after divorce. There is life after having no self esteem because you didn’t feel wanted. Want yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself and those that value you will be there when you look up.