sex

The 6 biggest signs you're confusing sex with love.

Love and sex. Two very important factors in a relationship. But are you getting them mixed up and expecting love in return for sex?

Whilst for some people there is a clear difference, however for others the lines seemed to be blurred. Let’s take a look at the tell-tale signs:

1. Your relationships just aren’t lasting

Chances are you have a history of broken relationships, as they never seem to get past a certain point. You want more, but they just can’t seem to commit or give you what you really yearn for. When we confuse sex for love, we leave ourselves open to attracting and getting into relationships with the wrong type of people.

Being intimate with someone might mean you feel a connection to them, but it doesn’t mean it is reciprocated. When someone truly loves you, sleeping with them won’t become the focus or main foundation in which your relationship is built on.

Renee Slansky. Image supplied.

2. You give everything away first go

When we yearn for love, we often think that the more we give, the more we will get back. It’s easy to just say yes and give away all your pearls on the first date. But most of the time this only leads to a one-night stand. Learning to set boundaries from the beginning and having more self-value means that you can attract someone that wants you for your soul and heart, not just your body.

3. You use sex as a way to gain attention or company

Let’s face it, if you are giving out the vibe then chances are someone (usually the wrong type of someone) is going to pick up on it. The wrong type of attention does not signify love. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin, on your own and with no one around is a big feat. But it is a necessary skill we have to acquire in order to learn the difference between seeking someone for the right or wrong reasons.

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The Prude and the Pornstar on sex toys. Or more specifically, how household objects can help your sex life. Post continues after audio.

4. You always feel unfulfilled afterwards

Sex is meant to be an incredible and intimate experience that brings two people closer together in all ways. When someone truly loves you, they won’t be leaving you feeling empty after you have slept with them. When we give a part of ourselves away, we should be getting something in return. However, if you are mixing sex up with love, chances are you are slowly giving away more than you can ever get back.

5. You have lowered your relationship standards

This is because you have forgotten your own value and haven’t learnt that sex does not equal love. When we mix the two up, it tends to affect all of our healthy boundaries in a relationship. We begin to settle for a second rate relationship because we think that being needed sexually is the same as being wanted emotionally.

6. You readily sleep with someone just to keep them in your life

Unfortunately, being available sexually to someone, doesn’t mean that they will love you or stick around. In fact, in most instances it has the opposite effect. When someone really loves you, sleeping with you will not be their ultimate goal.

Wooing, courting and pursuing you for the right reasons will be their aim. It’s easy to get the two confused when you haven’t had it modelled to you or been taught the difference. But the good news is that starting from now you can decide to set the two apart and find love which is then topped off by those intimate moments.

Renee Slansky is an Australian TV Presenter, writer, dating and relationship coach and founder of Australia’s number 1 dating blog www.thedatingdirectory.co . Her heart for people to experience fulfilling and healthy relationships has seen her feature on some of the largest online publications and dating sites in the world including The Huffington Post, The Good Men Project and Elite Daily. As a dating guru Renee can be seen and heard on the TV and radio regularly and hosts her own online TV channel. Her teachings are all about offering practical advice, support and solutions to real life issues in love. Think of her as your modern day Fairy Godmother! 

You can find her on Twitter here, Instagram here and Facebook here.

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