Friends of mine are getting married. They are the only couple in my friendship group currently planning their nuptials and it’s wildly intimidating.

I’m watching their preparation with wonder. The expenses and the detail and the expenses and the planning (and did I mention the expenses?) seem extremely out-of-reach for someone in my position and with my organisation level.

To take the pressure off people like me – who are more likely to spend absolutely all of the money because of sheer lack of preparation and planning and decisions like: “don’t the wooden seats look pretty? let’s go for those” – it’s important to know the most common mistakes we make when preparing to tie the knot. It might save some time and money exactly when you need to in life.

Here goes:

Don’t empty your savings account

I know how this temptation might start. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime moment and you want the best of everything. It doesn’t matter if you use every last cent in your savings account, or if you’re digging into important plans for the future, this is a day you’re prepared to spend it all on (and you will make up that money somehow in this thing called the future).

But, just… don’t.

Having savings is important for any woman in a relationship. Savings are there to catch her if (God forbid) something goes wrong. And it’s a rather necessary component for all the events that just might occur after the “most-important-day-in-your-life”. For example honeymooning, and house buying, and more travel, and one day babies. Don’t spend it all, you’ll need it.

Spending too much time online

The internet is overwhelming. Pinterest can be like your meanest, most manipulative friend, whispering in your ear that nothing is actually good enough and don’t you see how many other options there are – and how well other people manage to do this wedding thing?

All of a sudden your choice in chairs seems utterly silly beside the sweet rustic steel options, or what about the beaded cane and cushioned idea?

Obviously, research into the details of your wedding is important in both finding what works best for you, but also in saving money. Just don’t dive too deep. Your head will spin and you will end up more confused, overwhelmed and most probably in-debt than ever. Make decisions instinctively and stick with them. Don’t look back!

Getting too many people involved

That thing about the internet being overwhelming? Family members and friends and your senile neighbour down the road who has been pestering you ever since she saw that sparkly engagement ring, can also be extremely overwhelming. You don’t need everyone’s opinion.

It is your day. Your moment with your love. The decisions are down to the both of you. No one else.

This is not to say people won’t think that you need their opinion. Oh, they will give it to you. But just breezily block it out (maybe hum to yourself or count backwards from 10 in your head?) smile and nod and just continue doing whatever you’d like to do regardless. They’ll forget about all their suggestions when they see the champagne and the food. And you will have the day you really wanted.

Letting social media rule your day

I know, I know. The rise of the wedding hashtag, and photo sharing platforms like Instagram, has meant there’s more pressure on everyone and everything to look the part. Table decorations, flower arrangements, meal plating, champagne serving are all details likely to be snapped up and shared with the world. But don’t let that pressure get the better of you.

You might like to delegate the social media managing to someone else on the day. Or, if you want everyone to be completely present, in the moment, and not breaking embargo on the professional wedding photographs, you might opt for a phone-free wedding. Either way make sure you, as the newlyweds, put down your phones for the day and enjoy each moment as it unfolds – not through a lens.

Over complicating… everything

At the end of the day, no one is going to actually remember the flower arrangements. As with anything on a wedding day, it can be easy to go over the top and get carried away in the details and the rustic chairs (remember the rustic chairs?). But don’t let it ruin your day.

Don’t get so bogged down in the details that you forget the big-picture stuff. The big-picture stuff is, after all, the reason you’re getting married in the first place. Those who are seriously hung up on the flower arrangements, are in attendance for the wrong reasons.

Remember, people are the most important part of the day

The people are the most important part of your day. Obviously you, and your partner, your respective families and the wedding party are central to the day. But your guests are just as important. These people are the ones you’ve chosen to celebrate your love alongside you. Choose wisely. You don’t want drama or negativity darkening your celebrations. You want people who are going to laugh and smile and dance and be genuinely happy for you and your partner.

Be ruthless in choosing your guest list. Guests are expensive and it is your day after all. Trying to keep everyone happy is, first of all, impossible, but it’s also going to leave you with huge expenses and a godawful headache. Keep the guest list as simple as the flower arrangements – the people you want, and nothing more.

On the day itself

In your effort to make everything perfect, don’t forget the reason you’re there. Don’t be so focused on the positioning of the photographer and the timing of the main course and if enough people were really laughing at your dad’s speech, that you forget to enjoy yourself. 

This is your day. This is what all the planning and expenses and preparation and expenses have lead to. Remember to make the most of it. Remember to dance and laugh and connect with people and hold your partner’s hand and smile with your mum. Those are the moments that will stick with you. Don’t lose them in an effort to make everything perfect. The most important moments will be perfect on their own.