I love it. I look forward to it every day. I get fond withdrawal-shakes when I don’t have it. I crave its goodness from dawn until dusk.
And since I started drinking this wonderful swirly brown caffeinated substance, I have stuck with ol’ faithful: The Cappuccino.
The cappuccino has everything. Caffeine? Check. Frothy goodness? Check. Chocolate? Check.
I stopped looking once I discovered it. I didn’t need to anymore because I had found The One. My search was over; my
morning beverage consumption life was complete.
But recently, I’ve noticed that my choice of coffee has been called into question. I have caught more than the odd smug smile and raised eyebrow. I have even had
people baristas confirming that I want “just a cappuccino”, as if it is somehow an unusual thing to ask for in a CAFE.
The baristas are coffee shaming me, you guys.
And I’m not happy about it.
Now, when I enter a cafe, my head is bowed as I order my cappuccino. I mumble my order and timidly look up to see the hipster barista narrow their eyes at what I have said. I am damaging the integrity of the drink, I am insulting the illustrious nature of their artistic coffee making endeavours, I am endangering the flavour.
“The 1980s called, they want their coffee order back”, one snapped at me. Another simply took down ‘latte’ instead of cappuccino. Just like that.
And I know he heard my order correctly, I know.
I am a young like-to-think-I’m-hip woman, but I’ve realised that by simply ordering a cappuccino, the baristas have decided that I am no longer cool.
My coffee order is no longer socially acceptable.
In years gone by my barista and I would have a symbiotic relationship. I would be so grateful for their caffeine that I would pay whatever it took to get a good one. We would be friends, buddies, mates; we understood one another without judgement as to price or sugary sprinkles.
But now, their hipster beards have grown so thick and fast that it has invaded their brains and clouded their judgement.
Some cafes in Melbourne have actually banned soy milk, one of these being Market Lane Coffee. Its manager, Jason Scheltus, said about the decision, “it’s about serving a product that we believe in. You don’t go to a seafood restaurant and ask for a hamburger.” To Jason I would say that I do go to fish n chip shops frequently and ask for a burger, and if I want it with chocolate sprinkles then so help me, the customer is always right and I expect my goddamn chocolate sprinkles on it.