politics

'I got a text from a creepy guy. Then realised he'd been messaging all my friends, too.'

It was Wednesday night when I got a text message from a man I’d never met.

“How did he get my phone number…?” I whispered to my sister, shaking as I read it.

“I don’t know…” she said, terrified.

“But he has mine too.”

We knew we weren’t alone. Colleagues had been messaged by him. Our own mother. In fact, you’ve probably received the same one sentence text.

We had the tennis on in the background. And that’s when I turned to my glass door, located just across from my television, and saw his face.

Smiling. White hair. Seemingly yelling. I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying because I was too distracted by the fact this man was now virtually inside my house. 

This was the man I saw.

clive palmer text
No.
clive palmer text
Thank you.
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clive palmer text
Clive.

HOW DID YOU GET HERE NO ONE INVITED YOU.

You see, the man at the glass door was actually a reflection from the television, where Clive Palmer was shouting "MAKE AUSTRALIA GREAT" and something about 'minerals'.

No. No no.
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This was the stuff of nightmares.

We have no idea how many people have been sent the message: "When elected, United Australia Party will ban unsolicited political text messages which Labor & Liberal have allowed."

Now, we don't mean to be petty, but THE ONLY UNSOLICITED TEXT MESSAGES WE'RE RECEIVING ARE FROM YOU, CLIVE.

On top of that, there is no pathway to opt out.

Once Clive has your phone number, he can text you whenever he damn well feels like it, and this is what the Apocalypse looks like.

Next, he'll probably be sending, "Hi, can you pick up some bread on your way home?" by accident and this is why, Clive.

Clive was asked directly by the ABC how the phone numbers were obtained, to which he replied, "I don't know".

Cool. 

The Australian businessman and politician said he was overwhelmed by the response, with more than 265,000 accessing the website attached and staying for more than one minute.

Never mind that minute was spent frantically trying to find out a) who the f*ck this text message was from and b) how to ensure they never, ever text them again.

As if having him message us, personally, was not enough, he has also insisted on basically hijacking the tennis, and popping up in every ad break.

It's too much, Clive. Too much.

You can't just text millions of people because you feel like it.

So, please. Delete our phone numbers.

Because currently it's all a bit... creepy.

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