There’s no use denying it: an argument around the Christmas table is inevitable.
In my household, it usually begins when my brother says something outrageous — completely intentionally, of course. He’s been a button-pusher from way back. Then my mum, or my uncle, or my crazy aunt, jumps in.
I tell myself I should say nothing. ‘Don’t bite, Caity. Don’t bite.’
I bite. The fire is fuelled.
My brother? He’s just sitting back, drink in hand, watching the nice-Christmas-lunch-with-the-family burn. Good times.
This year, there is more potential kindling for this inevitable Christmas fire than ever before. Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, most definitely. There’s feminism, but there’s always feminism.
Then there's discussion about the future of American politics, refugees in Australia, Aleppo, the future of American politics, Malcolm Turnbull, Tony Abbott, and did I mention the future of American politics? So many opportunities to spit all over the Christmas ham.
Because a full-out brawl over a country that is not even ours threatens to ruin everyone's Christmas lunch, here are some topics to argue about that are NOT Trump-related. They're not even close. Here goes:
Ham is better than turkey.
Mince pies are better heated than cold.
The glazed cherry is the worst food in existence. It shouldn't even be called 'food'.