baby

Chrissy Teigen lost baby Jack a year ago. The pain hasn't gone away.

This post deals with miscarriage and might be triggering for some readers. 

It's been a year since Chrissy Teigen lost her baby, Jack. 

The 35-year-old, who shares two children with John Legend, was 20 weeks into her pregnancy when she miscarried, after finding out she was pregnant in June last year.  

This week, the model shared an emotional Instagram post dedicated to her baby, in honour of National Son Day in the US. 

Sharing a candid photo of herself crying in a hospital bed with her husband, Teigen wrote that while her son taught her she could "survive anything", the pain hasn't gone away. 

"To the son we almost had. A year ago you gave me the greatest pain I could ever imagine to show me I could survive anything, even if I didn’t want to," she began the post. 

"I didn’t get to take care of you but you came and went to get me to love myself and take care of myself because our bodies are precious and life is a miracle. They told me it would get easier but yeah, that hasn’t started yet," she continued.

"Mum and dad love you forever."

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Teigen also dedicated a separate post to her three-year-old son Miles for National Son Day. 

The couple previously shared that they lost their son Jack in a heartbreaking Instagram post shared in October last year. 

"We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before," Teigen wrote on Instagram at the time, alongside a black-and-white photo from the hospital room.

"We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough.

"Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever."

Minutes after sharing the news, Teigen tweeted that she was on her way home from the hospital. 

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Legend also posted to Twitter, saying: "We love you, Jack".

At the time, Teigen, who has endometriosis, was taken to hospital due to excessive bleeding.

"I was always, always bleeding... The blood has been going on for a little less than a month. More than your period, definitely not spotting," Teigen explained on her Instagram Stories at the time. 

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After losing Jack, the 35-year-old shared that she's sad she will "never" be pregnant again. 

"I love being pregnant, so so much, and I’m sad I never will be again. But I am lucky to have two amazing little ones who are transforming into big little people more and more every single day," she wrote on Instagram in December. 

It's something that has, understandably, been hard for her to accept. 

"Coming to terms with not being able to carry again is still really difficult for me because I feel so healthy," she told People in April this year.

"I'm like, why? But then I think about it as my uterus is just not cooperating with me — and it's not a failure."

But despite the loss, she said she's "so lucky" to have her children, Luna and Miles, and can't imagine a "life without more" kids. 

"I just think of it in terms of how blessed I am already, and also there are so many ways to have a child nowadays... whether it's surrogacy or adoption."

The couple have chosen to remember Jack by planting a special tree inside their house.

"It's important for us in Thai tradition that we always embrace the ones we've lost, and they're never, ever gone. This tree being planted inside the home, the whole reason why I wanted it was so Jack's ashes could be in that soil and he could be with us all the time and grow through the beautiful leaves in this tree," she told People. 

"The way Miles and Luna talk about him is so beautiful and reminds me of when I was little talking to my grandpa who was just sitting bedside next to my mom in a little urn," she added

"It's all beautiful, and I love that tradition carries down."

If this has raised any issues for you or if you would like to speak with someone, please contact the Sands Australia 24-hour support line on 1300 072 637. 

You can download Never Forgotten: Stories of love, loss and healing after miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death for free here. 

Join the community of women, men and families who have lost a child in our private Facebook group.

Feature Image: Instagram @chrissyteigen/Mamamia.