One of the worst things about me is that I can be very naive.
In my relationships, I want everyone to be good at heart and when conflicts arise, I tend to believe the best of others. None of this is strange for a woman with autism, and I’m (thankfully) not nearly as naive as I used to be. But my pregnancy and those first few years as a new mum really put a spotlight on the depth of my naivety.
Despite a brutal breakup with my ex, I still wanted him to be an involved dad. To be fair, he was slightly more involved than my own father who was separated from my mum when I was born.
Watch: Questions about Childbirth. Post continues below.
So, my ex was there for our daughter’s birth even though we were broken up and he lived with a new woman. I wanted him to be there so I didn’t go through it all alone, and he agreed that it was fine.
He arrived maybe 15 to 20 hours into my labour since he was coming from out of state.
When he entered the delivery room, he walked straight over to my bed and kissed me on the lips. It was strange as if I hadn’t been confused enough during the entire pregnancy.
People wonder why I used to think we might get back together, but that’s why. He used to do these odd things that me that I mistook for genuine signs of affection.
After more than 38 long hours of labour, she was out in just three quick pushes. I didn’t know what to think or feel after giving birth to my daughter. Didn’t know how to feel about becoming a parent.