I spent much of last night’s episode of Married At First Sight with my hands in front of my face. (If you missed it, check out our recap here.)
Oh, the drama! The awkwardness! The intensity! If it wasn’t Alene’s hard-ass girlfriend grilling Simon at dinner, it was slimy Anthony laying the brat routine on Nadia hard and fast. I mean, really – who are these people?
But the prize for the most unbearable character surely must go to Cheryl’s buffoon of a father, Hamish.
I found myself gasping in shock every time Hamish spoke. If he had been a fictional character on a soap opera, I might have giggled at him hamming up the ‘protective father’ role. It could have been comical. But no, Hamish Maitland is very real, and not funny in the slightest.
For those who didn’t catch last night’s episode, the meeting of Cheryl’s father and her new husband Andrew was a (black) comedy of errors. The was no grace period of fake smiles or small talk - oh no, Hamish was on a mission to upset Andrew from the minute he arrived.
Before Andrew had even stepped inside the front door, Hamish was like a bull out of the gates, mocking Andrew’s height, then laughing at the size of his hands. Stunned, Andrew tried to laugh off the stabs.
When he did finally make it down the hallway of Hamish’s House Of Horrors, the real abuse begun. Andrew was offensive in every way to a clearly agitated Hamish: he was too short, too underdressed, not her type. He didn’t drink enough. He wasn’t good enough. He was “nothing” to Hamish.
In a moment that surely had people around Australia yelling at their television screens, Hamish even ordered Andrew out of the house to change his outfit - a t-shirt and shorts - despite being in exactly the same getup himself. Not jokingly, either: he literally picked up Andrew’s drink, moved it away, and said “Get out.”
Was he drunk? He seemed to be throwing back beers and whiskies at a rate of knots. Did it matter? No. That kind of persistent aggression is never alright, drunk or not.