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Every year at the Logies, there is a dress so extra and out there that it literally prevents the poor woman inside it from being able to do basic human activities. This year, that woman is Married at First Sight’s Cheryl Maitland. While she looks absolutely gorgeous (as per usual), we suspect the dress might end up being a tad limiting.
On her Instagram story, fellow MAFS star Davina Rankin documented some of the logistical issues with Cheryl’s dress.
First, there was the fact that MAFS‘ Ryan Gallagher now has a new full time job of holding it:
Then, there was the frankly absurd amount of space the dress took up in the lift:
Then, there was another woman who looks like she'll spend the night walking behind the reality star so her dress doesn't get caught/stepped on/dirty.
To celebrate the extra-ness of Cheryl's brilliant Logies dress, we've compiled a comprehensive list of things she will be unable to do tonight, just in case you were speculating.
1. Chase Andy Lee/Matty J/Honey Badger.
Let's be honest - if we were at the Logies, we'd be chasing down a lot of hot people. Cheryl won't be able to though, because of that huge train on her dress.
2. Jump over her seat like Jennifer Lawrence.
Remember at the Oscars when Jennifer Lawrence jumped over the chair and everybody absolutely lost it? No chance of seeing that again tonight on the Gold Coast, at least not from Cheryl.
3. Hide behind a pot plant.
Awards shows can be really stressful, and at one point during the night Cheryl may find herself wanting to have a low-key moment. She might want to sneak off and kiss another reality star, or maybe grab an extra bread roll from the kitchen. If she sees someone she wants to avoid, she might even want to hide behind a pot plant. Unfortunately, she will be unable to do so.
4. Walk up the stairs to accept an award.
At an awards show, this is very problematic.
5. Get in the uber.
Most people at the Logies will encounter issues getting into the uber at the END of the night, on account of one or two too many sparkling wines. Cheryl has encountered this problem early. Because how does she even move??
6. Leave inconspicuously because things are getting a bit boring.
If Cheryl was hoping to perform an Irish exit tonight she has chosen the wrong dress. Wherever Cheryl goes tonight, gazing eyes will follow, because their peripheral vision will demand them to do so.
7. Go to the bathroom.
Let's be real. How will Cheryl go to the bathroom tonight? We are concerned and send our prayers to both Cheryl and whoever she has nominated as her go-to girl for bathroom assistance.
8. Do the NUTBUSH.
So it's 11pm at the Logies after party. Things are getting a bit wild, and the nutbush comes on. Everybody gets into it because they are such Aussie legends. But Cheryl can't, because of her dress.
9. Embrace Lisa Wilkinson in a low-key/chill way.
If Cheryl wants to embrace Lisa Wilkinson tonight, or even go over and say hello for a relateable chat, she will be unable to. Because Cheryl's mere presence tonight is unavoidably extra.
10. Be within a 5-metre radius of another human being.
If Cheryl was hoping to network tonight, she's going to be disappointed. Because even though she is a legend, nobody will be able to get close enough to her to have a real chat. In fact, there will be an unofficial radius around her for the entire evening within which no one will dare pass.
11. Go anywhere near Olympia Valance.
I hope these two were not hoping to have a chat over a canape tonight because it will be logistically impossible.
12. Pat Grant Denyer on the head in a patronising manner, which she ought to.
Nothing would bring us more joy than Cheryl giving Grant Denyer a lil' pat on the head to say hello. But this will not be able to happen. And it's devastating.
What do you think Cheryl won't be able to do tonight? Tell us in the comments.