You want to slap the next person who tells you, “It’s hard, but it’s sooo worth it.” Because they’re right.
I’m trying to find the words.
I’m struggling to gather together the right collection of syllables that can be mushed together to convey my experience of new motherhood, an experience many people likely share but never speak of.
First, no one tells you how emotional motherhood will be. And by emotional I mean exhilarating, exhausting, gut-wrenching and euphoric.
When you get married, everyone starts asking you when you're going to have kids. They might even push you to have kids.
There might even be grandmothers (no names mentioned, of course) who buy tiny little clothes and hang them in a closet just in case you decide to have kids right then and there.
Just like marriage and weddings, all society really shows us of motherhood is the romance, the surface story that everyone dreams of and simultaneously hides behind.
You think you know what it's going to be like because people say, "It's hard, but it's sooooo worth it." You'll hear this about 5,000 times and so you'll convince yourself that you're braced and ready for the good and the bad.
But that's the first thing you didn't know about being a mum:
1. Sometimes it won't feel worth it.
There's going to come a moment where you wonder why you even became a mum at all. It'll probably come at about three in the morning.
"Why did I do this, again?" you'll mutter to yourself. Instead of focusing on the bonding moment like you're "supposed to," you'll just want to be in bed. Better yet, you'd like to be out with your husband drinking a pina colada.
I'll tell you this: It's OK to let your mind wander down that path, to miss what you had. To remember what once was. Motherhood is a pretty jarring and life-altering experience, and it happens really, really fast.
2. No one will be affected by their cries like you are.
You're the mum and in some interesting twist of biological fate, you're going to be affected by their cries more than anyone else. Your husband might sleep right through it, your mum will tell you it's no big deal and your friends will somehow seem to handle the crying with such ease that you wonder what the hell is wrong with you.
Ladies, take it as a challenge and an honor. Remember that something inside of you is intimately connected with your baby where only you can really get that gut reaction to their little pleas for food or comfort.
3. You're going to have bad dreams.
There is a strange dream I've been having where I think I left my baby in my bed with me and they need my help. I've woken my husband up in the middle of the night telling him a baby is in the bed when they weren't. I've reached around in the bed in the middle of the night and felt my dog's head thinking I left the baby with me. This is all unwarranted since both my babies (I have twins) have been sleeping in their own cribs since the day they came home from the hospital.