When I was cheated on, I was very angry, and it was easier to be angry at the other woman rather than the guy I was dating at the time.
I was Beyonce during her Lemonade era - minus the fame, money, and fabulous outfits - and I was defiantly mad at my version of 'Becky with the good hair'.
Logically, I knew it wasn’t fair to be mad at the other women. But it was just so much easier.
Watch MM Confessions: What I wish I never said. Post continues after video.
You see, I didn’t know her; I hadn’t built a relationship with her. Being angry at her felt very black and white. She wasn’t the person who made my coffee every morning or kissed my forehead. She was just an evil, bad stranger.
There was no history confusing my feelings, no broken promises or memories to hold on to. I just got to blame someone blindly, and it felt good. It felt bloody good. Honestly, hating someone you don’t know is very easy. There’s no guilt involved.
I wanted there to be a villain, and I didn’t want it to be the person I shared a bed with. Was that very feminist of me? No, but I think it’s human. When something bad happens, we all want to be able to blame someone for it, and she was that someone.
It is hard to stay mad at someone you love. You want to fix it; you want to makeup, and you want everything to be okay again. I tried to forgive him. I wanted to believe someone came between us maliciously. I wanted to pretend that he was somehow powerless in the situation.
I had the mindset of Dolly Parton singing Jolene, you know, 'Don’t take my man,' but the truth is for a man to be taken, he must want to go.
So, I hated her, judged her, and shamed her.
I mean, I didn’t do anything directly to her face, but I’m ashamed of what I said about her to friends or anyone who would listen at the time. To give you a taste, I used the word, “slut,” a lot. It was like the feminism was ripped from body and replaced with vengeance.
Interestingly, it’s hard to stay mad at someone you made up in your head. I projected who I thought she was onto her; in my mind, she was a mix between Angelina Jolie and the Wicked Witch of the West. In reality, she was a girl around my age, probably looking for love or a good time.