It’s the end of the month (read: DESPERATE for pay day).
It’s also the weekend.
You can understand my predicament (if you can’t, then you’re likely an extremely irritating budgeting extrodinaire, or you don’t like weekends, which also makes you irritating.)
There is only one answer to the problem that is “no money + weekend”. And that is… Cheap wine.
For those of you who just scoffed, I see through you. You’re expensive wine snobbery is only temporary. Get tipsy enough, or poor enough, and you’ll be drinking cleanskins with the rest of us…
PARTICULARLY once you read our 7 hacks to making cheap wine taste good… (like, arrogant-sommelier-accent, superior-expression, almost-beret-wearing-worthy good.)
Have your $7.50 ready. We’re about to get fancy.
Location, location, location
No, not real estate (c’mon, I can’t even afford good wine, I’m not even close to buying a house), but wine.
Excellent wine regions – or wine “country”, as I believe it’s referred to by those in the know (if not, then it definitely should become a thing, it sounds appropriately sophisticated) – doesn’t have to attract a heart-stopping price tag.
For example, Sauvignon Blancs from New Zealand, as well as Riesling and Shiraz from Australia, are all delicious and within the last-weekend-of-the-month price range.
Similarly (if you’re planning an extra classy Saturday night) you can try the Vinho Verde from Portugal ($8.55 at Dan Murphy’s), Malbec from Argentina ($9.49) or a Pinot Noir from Chile (also $9.49).
If you opt for one of these, make sure you tell everyone at the party that your wine is actually from South America, or Southern Europe, and this
boast admission is surely to make the wine taste even better.
Keep it cold
If it’s white, chill it thoroughly. – Sam, 26.
Truer words have never been spoken, Sam. There are not many things that taste worse than cheap white wine, except for warm cheap white wine. (It tastes like it could fuel a Boeing 747.)
Keep it cold. Preferably SO cold that it numbs your tastebuds upon entering your mouth, rendering you oblivious to the taste of its cheapness.
You can also do this with cheap red wine, to supposedly make it more palatable. But I’m yet to reach that level – can’t you see I have standards!?
Let it breathe
This is good for two reasons.
Firstly, by telling people you’re “just letting it breathe”, you can maintain your know-everything-there-is-to-know-about-wine persona (it’s working, really).
Secondly, it will also help your $7 bottle of red taste better.
You could invest in aerator to do this (but it is the end of the month, remember?) or you can opt for wide-rimmed wine glasses, which will allow for sufficient breathing space. I recommend the latter:
Nice big glasses are a must – Claire, 22.
Take out the nasties
If you’re a well-schooled drinker of cheap wine, you will already know of these positively magical, make-cheap-wine-bearable, tools.