We’ve brought it back for the finale.
Here is our final Celebrity Apprentice recap, after a gap of many weeks during which I can only assume very little of interest happened. If you want to read the first four glorious recaps, try here, here, here and here.
Let’s see who is still left in the game, shall we?
The two remaining celebs are Sophie Monk and Sideshow Dormer! I could have picked Dormer actually, he did win Big Brother. But Monk?
She has not proven herself a skilled business person, unless over the weeks since I last saw this show she developed a memory longer than a goldfish’s.
Sophie tells us that she is “willing to do anything to win” which could explain Bouris’s choice to keep her in the game.
She then tells us that Sideshow Dormer will also do anything to win, which does not bode well for Bouris.
The lying voiceover is back to its old tricks, telling us that Monk is “Australia’s IT girl”. Yah, and I’m Australia’s sweetheart.
A montage of what we can expect from tonight’s episode consists mostly of Monk’s boobs.
In a car, the two remaining contestants both decide they’ll try and win. Good decision, guys.
They arrive to some sort of hangar and Dormer and Sophie’s boobs are greeted by Daddy Warbucks arriving in a helicopter. They are unreasonably impressed by this.
He dismounts and informs them that one of them will win the show. Well I’ll be. So that’s how this caper is going to end up! They should’ve put in a spoiler alert.
The challenge today: create a brand campaign for Australia. I really feel Sophie could just recreate Lara
Bingle Worthington’s Where The Bloody Hell Are Ya? bit. Maybe they’d have to overdub her voice to something slightly more mellifluous, but it could work.
They have to make a TV commercial and a print ad which they’ll present to the big daddy at a “gala event”. (I wasn’t even invited despite my work to promote this turkey. Thanks for nothing, Channel Nine).
Sophie and Dormer take off in the chopper while I assume Bouris walks home, tie in hand.
This view of Sydney’s red-brick suburbs is supposed to inspire their campaigns. How’s the serenity?
“It stirred really deep emotions inside me,” says Sideshow Dormer. What does lie beneath the surface of this churning, foetid pond that is Tim Dormer?