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It has taken exactly three days for Carrie Bickmore and Lisa Wilkinson to be pitted against each other.

Just like clockwork.

Three days, it would seem, is all the time we need before we click back into gear and remember women are actually the worst, are consistently riddled with jealously, and have a total inability to be supportive and/or nice.

Just look at the news today! Carrie is pissed off. There’s a new woman in town, and as we know, two successful women can’t work together amicably – their cat-like claws are too long!

Just check out Thursday morning’s headlines:

Rumours are spreading around Carrie Bickmore being furious about Lisa Wilkinson

Carrie Bickmore reportedly angry about Lisa Wilkinson’s abrupt move to Channel Ten

The Project’s Carrie Bickmore rumoured to be ‘pissed off’ she’ll share the desk with Lisa Wilkinson

‘She is less than impressed with the news’: Reports Carrie Bickmore is ‘p*ssed off’ after learning Lisa Wilkinson will earn FOUR TIMES more than her on The Project

Sure, side-step around the fact the first headline makes little grammatical sense and the last yells at you mid-sentence like an assault to the face, and here we have a fun little story about two angry women, one feud and an eager, popcorn-guzzling audience ready to pounce on any word.

Does it get any better? I mean, truly.

Even Carrie has weighed in on the feisty female feud, posting not once, but twice, about Lisa’s big, new, shiny job. It started on Twitter, with what we can only assume is a terribly nasty and awfully bitter message. Just look at the fist emojis at the end of the tweet! She’s ready to fight.

Then came a separate post on Instagram:

“All class Lisa Wilkinson. Congrats on an incredible stint at Today babe. Hope you enjoyed your sleep in and can’t wait to see your beaming face on The Project soon. #smart #funny #genuine,” she wrote.

I don’t know about you guys, but I am unequivocally averse to describing people as smart, funny and genuine. I also couldn’t think of a worse way to be described on a public stage. Smart? Funny, too? My word, Carrie, put your cat claws down.

You can imagine Bickmore’s apprehension, of course. Everyone knows the better talent on a television panel, the better the interviews, the better the banter, the worse the ratings.

Except… oh. It doesn’t work like that at all. And you know what else doesn’t work? The tired trope that women must hate each other.

I would hate to annihilate any pre-conceived, dinosaur-age ideas about women in the workplace, but Lisa and Carrie might not just tolerate working together but… dare I go there… they might… become… friends.

Oh, and before we go, um, won’t someone think of Waleed? Perhaps he wants in on the feud, too? Or is a cat fight only reserved for famous, successful, genuine and clever women?

Three days is all it took. Just like clockwork.

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