Caroline Overington is sure about love.

Very sure.

The best-selling author and Walkley-award winning journalist has been married to her husband, Martin, for 27 years and she believes the secret to achieving such longevity in love is rather straight-forward.

“It’s not about you.

“I’m thinking everyday what can I do to make [my husband’s] life better today? And that’s the basis of any marriage. It’s about the other person.

“Love is not about you. Love is about them. How can I improve their life, make their day a little better?”

It’s an insightful, relieving and very welcome observation in a world that is perhaps, these days, a little careless with love.

“You don’t realise how rare it is until you’re one of those people [who’ve been married for a long time]. A number of people are definitely getting divorced. To me, it’s always been very important to work at it and to make sure that we hang in there. That’s important. I feel like all the old clichés are true.”

It became clear that love was quite simple when she heard someone else overcomplicate it.

“I once heard a very famous woman talking about how she hasn’t got a partner. And the reason she doesn’t have a partner is because her life is so perfect, so exciting, she’s so successful and she earns her own money and owns her own apartment and it’s all very lovely and so what could a person possibly add to her life?

“And I thought to myself, that is exactly how NOT to look at it. That is exactly the wrong approach because it isn’t about you. My marriage is not about me. It’s about my family and in particular, him.”

It’s true in sex, too, says Caroline.

“That’s one of the most fabulous things about being human is taking care of someone else’s pleasure. What a gift.

“Sex is not about you. It’s about them. It’s about what you can do for them and how you can connect together in a physical, loving way.”

Caroline’s energy is embodied in a most selfless energy. Her honesty, warmth and generosity pours out not only to her husband but to her 18-year-old twins, Michael and Chloe.

“And so for the kids that might be, I’m passing by the milk bar on the way home and I’ll pop in and I’ll buy two $2 Drum Sticks … and take them home and put them in the freezer so that when they open the freezer they say ‘oh Drum Sticks’ and they’re happy.

“Tiny, little things.

“I feel like if I lead by example and do things that will make their day a little better then they will do things for me and they do … sometimes my son will come in and say ‘hey mum, I saw this book in the library and I thought you’d like it’ so I got it.

“So, little things. Little, tiny things.”

Because it’s the little, big things that make any relationship work and Caroline says if they’re not adding up in your own relationship, it’s time to rethink.

“If you’re with a good partner then they should be thinking about you. They should be. If they’re not, that’s when you need to be saying, okay …

1. Does he have my best interest at heart?
2. Does he care about me?
3. Does he care that I’m happy?
4. Does he genuinely love me?

“And if you can’t answer those questions positively that’s when you’ve got to start to think about whether you’re in the right relationship.”

Caroline Overtington speaks confidently about many things that have encapsulated her life: she’s received Australia’s top journalism award, produced extraordinary bestselling books … for heaven’s sake, she scored an exclusive interview with Oprah and changed Oprah’s life. Seriously.

But there’s nothing Caroline’s surer about than her relationships with her girlfriends, her children and most of all, her husband.

And she knows these relationships are fueled with such loyal, boundless love because of one thing: a generous will to give.

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