food

A definitive ranking of caramelised white chocolate products, from god-tier to just plain wrong.

Cadbury Caramilk burst onto the chocolate market in February 2018, like a magical, creamy gift from the gods. Row after row of perfectly caramelised white chocolate, a tantalising contrast of sweetness against slightly bitter tones.

With its bright wrapper in tones of yellow and gold, it seemed to announce itself as the sunshine we all needed in our lives.

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This was a game-changer for us chocoholics, and with each new caramelised milk chocolate product on the market our lives just keep getting better.

Despite being their number one customer, Cadbury still refuses to pay me to promote them which is disappointing. Nevertheless, I’ve taken it upon myself to try every single caramelised milk chocolate item on shelves today and rank them for you. 

You’re welcome. 

10. Caramilk Marble. 

Look, I wanted to love this, and I promise that I tried. 

I was equally hyped for Marble’s return as I was Caramilk’s. But this just tastes wrong. Milk chocolate, carefully swirled with Caramilk filled with a hazelnut creamy filling? There’s too much going on here.

If you do like it, I recommend eating a block of normal Marble, followed by a block of Caramilk.

9. KitKat gold.

This is a controversially low listing. 

My biggest problem here is the snappiness of the chocolate - I like smooth, melty room temperature chocolate. 

This one might be personal preference as my husband loves KitKat, and all crisp chocolate. He keeps his in the fridge, possibly because he knows I won’t touch it. 

That said, I still ate many, many blocks of this when Caramilk was temporarily removed from sale during the dark Caramilkless days of 2019. 

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8. Whittaker's West Coast Buttermilk Caramelised White Chocolate Block.

This one is delicious. A strong flavour, smooth texture and it actually tastes caramelised. 

But at around $7 for 100g, save it for special occasions or lotto wins. 

7. Caramilk Twirl.

It’s good. But somehow not spectacular. 

It’s crispy, not melty, and like all twirl/flake products it’s messy to eat in the car as you race between school drop-off and your 9am meeting. 

The main problem here is that we’re now spoilt for choice. I’ve gone from racing to the supermarket on “new product launch day” to being able to pick and choose my favourites. Can all 10 products be my favourite? 

6. Caramilk Easter range.

I had the opposite problem here. Easter chocolate isn’t around for long enough. 

As someone who once drank a Caramilk mocha frappe out of a Caramilk bunny using a Caramilk twirl as a straw, there needs to be more days in a year when this is possible. 

Can we possibly have a range of springtime bunnies? Please?

5. Nestle Milky Bar Gold.

The greatest thing about Nestle is the pieces are so large. 

Instead of having four rows of Caramilk (a standard snack amount*), you can have two rows of Nestle Milky Bar Gold, consume the same amount of chocolate and happily live in denial that you’ve actually got some semblance of self-control. 

Well played, Nestle. 

4. Caramilk Hokey Pokey.

Perfection wrapped in purple and gold - a block of dreamy Caramilk with a generous dash of honeycomb pieces swirled in. What a time to be alive.

Crunchy pops of flavour delight the senses and add a new dimension of texture to an already perfect product. Run, don’t walk to the nearest supermarket to get your hands on a block. Or seven. 

3. Philadelphia Caramilk Cream Cheese.

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I don’t know who the brilliant brand developer in charge of creating this was, but please know I consider you a personal hero of mine.

While there’s nothing stopping any of us from melting a block of Caramilk into a block of Philly cheese and transforming it into the best cheesecake of our lives, this is just so easy. 

I also highly recommend simply buying a tub, a packet of ginger snaps to dip into it, and settling down to binge watch The Bold Type with a giant cup of tea. A night well spent.

2. Caramilk.

Just plain old Caramilk. When all else fails and the limited-edition products get pulled, it will still be there for us. I hope.

Photo provided as proof for my accountant that it was “journalism research”. Image: Supplied.

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Caramilk, I still love you.                                                                                                  

1. Caramilk Top Deck.

This is absolutely brilliant. 

Rising from a smooth, flat base of the traditional Dairy Milk Chocolate that we all know and love, appear rows of perfect mini squares of Caramilk. 

Seemingly bonded together by laws of attraction, this is perfect chocolate. I dare you to stop at a block - it’s scientifically impossible. 

This is only available for a limited time, unless my change.org petition takes off, so buy at least 10 blocks with each shop. 

At some point in the future, you’ll find me weeping for its loss, as I use my hairdryer in a desperate attempt to melt a block of Caramilk onto a block of Dairy Milk while whispering to myself that everything is going to be okay.

Until then, it’s Top Deck for the win. 

*My nutritionist strongly disagrees that four rows of any chocolate is a standard snack amount. 

Feature Image: Mamamia

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