I think we can all agree we’ve reached a point where ads think they are short films, which is confusing for everyone.
The first time I noticed this trend was when I saw Kendall Jenner’s infamous Pepsi ad – where she leaves a glamorous photoshoot to join an entirely unspecified protest, then solves the whole thing by handing a can of Pepsi to a police officer.
It was… strange.
Then there was the Dolce & Gabbana ad starring Emilia Clarke and Kit Harrington dancing through Italian streets for no reason.
Now, we have ‘Shimmer in the Dark,’ Cara Delevingne’s recently released ad for Jimmy Choo, that definitely did not require a title like a feature length film.
We begin on a dimly lit street, with a single shop window glistening like a scene from an old Christmas movie. Inside the window sits a single shoe, which stops a young woman in her tracks.
Oh, no. The shop is closed, sweetie. It’s super late and the door is obviously locked. Maybe you can come back later and…
Wait. She’s already wearing the shoes.
Delevingne lifts her leg up to show she owns the shoes she's been looking at. That's cool but like... why stop and look at the shop window then?
She then struts down the street like I've never seen anyone strut before. She makes sly eyes at everyone as if to say, "have you... can you... LOOK AT MY SHOES" and everyone's like "hey aren't you some famous model?" and she's like "I know right, how good are my shoes".
As she's walking, men start to whistle at her. One man, whose behaviour can only be described as leering, looks her up and down and says, "nice shoes, lady". Delevingne flashes a smile at him.
- If a man you've never met before and who is creepily staring at you on the street ever says this to you - he's probs not that interested in your shoes.
- No woman ever appreciated being called 'lady' by a stranger.
She struts her way in front of oncoming traffic, and cars start beeping at her. Just as I'm contemplating how mortified I would be in that scenario, she makes eye contact with another pair of shoes and... makes sexual eyes at them.
It's sad because the shoes are just trying to be shoes, and she's already wearing shoes! That she seemed to like approximately 20 seconds ago. Then all of a sudden, the music stops. She sees a familiar face on the street corner.
"Hi, Sal!" Delevingne says in her posh British accent. "Hey hey, there she is!" responds Sal in a very New York accent. "I'm staving, can I have my usual please?" she asks, and Sal responds, "I gotchya".
At no point does Delevingne pay for the food the man makes for her. He hands her what looks like a crepe and she says, "you're a beautiful man, night Sal!" but... there's so many unanswered questions.
Who is Sal? Is Cara Delevingne meant to be Cara Delevingne or is she playing a character? Has she been out anywhere or did she just want food from Sal? Why is she so overdressed for a crepe?
As she walks away, Sal yells, "HEY - great shoes!" which is probably his passive aggressive way of saying, "ummm, so you can pay for Jimmy Choo shoes but not a crepe off the street? Jesus".
But Delevingne doesn't care. She continues to strut and then THROWS OUT THE CREPE without seeming to have TAKEN ONE BITE.
WHAT THE HELL.
Listen: Feminism is 2017's word of the year. Post continues after audio.
Not only did you not pay Sal, but you just made him make you a crepe for no reason? Were you even really starving? What is this night?
She struts to 'da club, where men in the line leer at her, which she likes. She skips the line, but no one is mad, probably because they like her shoes. The club is called IWANTCHOO, like Jimmy Choo.
And... that's it.
Important lessons include:
- Always strut
- The most important thing in life is what shoes you're wearing.
In response to the ad, feminist author Jessica Valenti tweeted, "Perhaps now is not the best moment to run an ad about how cool and sexy catcalling is?" and in the days since, it's been described as "tone deaf," "regressive," and "disgusting".
Somehow I think no one was thinking about it that way. Oops.