Did this friend commit the ultimate wedding no-no?

“I cleared it with the bride, but now she’s not talking to me.”

One of my girlfriends and I have been close for a very long time. Since high school. We’re both 28 and have known each other for about 15 years. And she recently got married.

While I wasn’t in the bridal party, I was heavily involved in the planning of the wedding. My weekends were dedicated to bridal dress shopping, picking out vases and flowers to go on the reception tables, I even went with her to a butterfly house that specialises in weddings because she wanted them released at the church.

You name it and I probably did it.

She comes from a large family and her bridal party consisted of only immediate family. She had three in total and told me she couldn’t have me because it would upset her other family who she couldn’t include. I completely understood.

The wedding was roughly three-months ago and since then something really strange has happened. My friend has pretty much stopped talking to me and I’m pretty sure I know the reason why.

I think it’s because I wore white to her wedding.

"And I’m pretty sure I know the reason why. I think it’s because I wore white to her wedding."

I know that it’s a “thing” not to wear white to a wedding. But I had this cocktail dress that I’ve wanted to wear forever that I never got the chance to. It was designer, I got it on sale and I knew I wouldn’t have another occasion anytime soon coming up where I could wear it. It didn't in any way look bridal.

I know it sounds silly but I even ran it by my friend first. I told her what the dress looked like and explained to her that it was white. She told me that I could wear what I liked and that she wasn’t “one of those brides”; one of those brides that tell her wedding guests what to do. She also said that she wasn’t old fashioned and didn’t believe in that kind of thing.

With her blessing I went ahead and wore the dress.


On the actual day of her wedding I noticed I was getting a lot of stares from people. I knew they were probably talking about what I was wearing. But it didn’t bother me because I knew I had the go ahead from my friend.

"I know that sounds silly but I even ran it by my friend first. I told her what the dress looked like and explained to her that it was white."

Even on the wedding night she seemed fairly distant. We made eye contact in the church but she didn’t come to speak to me at the reception. I assumed it was because she was so busy with everything going on.

Even though I felt weird I gave her some space in the weeks that followed. I knew she had a lot of things going on with the honeymoon and she was moving in with her husband when she got back. So I didn’t want to jump the gun so to speak.

We hadn’t talked for about a month when I first tried to contact her. I rang her a couple of times and she didn’t answer. I’ve now sent her a few text messages asking if everything is okay and have received no reply.

It’s the only thing I can pinpoint that she could be angry about. As much as I try not to let it, it’s really getting to me. I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong because I ran it by her first. If she really had a problem with me wearing white, I assumed she would have been upfront and told me.

But it’s just gotten to the point where I don’t know what else to do. It feels ridiculous to me to let such a good friendship go over something so trivial. But if my friend doesn’t want to meet me half way, I don't think I have another choice.

Do you think it's fair for my friend to stop talking to me because I wore white to her wedding?

If, like this reader, you have a dilemma that you would like advice about, please email [email protected] with Don’t Judge Me in the subject field. You will be contacted before publication, and your identity will be protected.

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