I’m at a point where I’m not sure if I should give you some sort of content warning before you deep-dive this article, or if you should be proceeding at your own peril because, well, you’re the one that clicked into this entire thing.

Let’s go with the latter.

Back in February, a thread popped up on Reddit where a woman posed a rather interesting predicament to thousands of her closest strangers.

She explained her marriage had hit a rough patch and that she had asked her husband what she could do to “spice it up”. His response was this:

“Recently, he asked me to stick different things in my vagina, like apples, pears, carrots, etc. and keep in there all they so that he could eat them at night when he came home from work.”

The Prude and The Pornstar on how to consume porn in an ethical way. Post continues after audio.

But don’t worry, because the couple puts precautions in place!

“The fruits we buy are organic, and I spend a good deal of time cleaning them thoroughly,” she wrote.

After appearing in Cosmopolitan,the post caught the attention of gynaecologist Dr Jen Gunter, who felt it her duty to clear up a few misconceptions the post may have shone a light on.

As logical and as concise as can be, Dr. Gunter addressed the story on her on blog, writing, “there are some potential health issues here.” Who’d have thought?

For the uninitiated, Dr. Gunter explains inserting fruit and/or vegetables into your vagina can have these four main health issues:

Ummmm, men are faking orgasms, too. Post continues after video.

Dr. Gunter goes on to explain that naturally, the longer “organic matter is left in the vagina, the greater the risk”. And considering the woman’s husband wants this stuff kept up there for at least a day, we’ve got ourselves a problem, do we not?

Instead, Dr. Gunter advises anyone so inlined to take the fruit and vegetable path to “spice-up” the sex life, perhaps it’s a good idea to find somesaferoptions.

“There are all kinds of edible undies (probably a NSFW link) and produce-shaped sex toys (also possibly a NSFW link) so there are definitely much safer options. Lots of food can also be incorporated externally into sex,” she writes.

“[However] if it’s something that you just can’t live without then well-washed firmer fruits and vegetables would be safest and absolutely should be covered with a condom.”

So it’s settled, then? Keep your pineapple out of your vagina. It’s not going to end well for anyone, except maybe this Redditor’s husband.