Women know a lot of drivel about celebrities. Men, generally, do not. I have struggled with this concept over the years, trying in vain to understand the evolutionary purpose of retaining information as pertinent as Heidi Klum’s relationship history and the fact that Billy Bob Thornton has a phobia about antiques. I don’t even LIKE Billy Bob Thornton. And yet still I know about the antiques.
This does not make me better than someone who’s blissfully ignorant of such things. It makes me worse. Particularly because this inane knowledge is squatting on valuable mental real estate that should be occupied by more relevant things like where the hell I parked my car at Westfield.
From a Darwinist perspective, it makes no sense either. Knowing that Winona Ryder and Gwyneth Paltrow used to be best friends until Gwyneth stole Winona’s script for Shakespeare In Love, won the part and an Oscar….is that going to help me survive a potato famine? Possible but unlikely.
A few months ago, I walked into my kitchen one morning and said this to my husband: “So, the twins were born. A girl and a boy. Knox and Vivienne.” He looked at me blankly. “Who? What twins?”
I swallowed my frustration. Silly me. It was early. Give the man a clue. “Angelina.”
Still blank. “Angelina who?”
“Angelina Ballerina!”
My sarcasm was wasted. I could see him trying to understand why I was talking about a storybook dancing mouse.
“What?”
“Angelina JOLIE. She. Had. The. Twins.”
“Was she pregnant?” he replied innocently. And then my head fell off.
Well, it practically did. I was gob smacked. How could this person who lived in the same house as me not know that Angelina Jolie was pregnant? How could he have missed this crucial piece of information FOR NINE MONTHS? Twelve if you count the pre-pregnancy media speculation. How?
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Mia, this was probably the best piece of writing I have seen from you. This shows who you are a writing genuis! I truly admire you.
Oh and yes..I know alot of useless info about people I will never meet..
I even look at celeb myspace pages sometimes..even though I dont HAVE a myspace page. Lindays blog is hard to resist..oh and Courtney Love's blog is hilarious.
Oh god, I know the feeling. I had 3 English exams for the HSC, and made up 99% of the quotes I used. I also made up a lot of working in both maths and chem, hoping that it would get me some marks, because I didn't have a clue what I was doing. And I constantly have to be reminded to take the keys out of the ignition before I lock my door when I'm driving.
But did you know that Green Day's bass player just had a son called Brixton Michael? I can also recite the Channel 10 programming for every weeknight between 6 and 9:30, sing both the alto and soprano part for the hallelujah chorus (among other things, some of which I haven't had to sing in at least 6 years), and recognise well over 100 songs within 10 seconds of hearing them.