That’s the sound of me getting unceremoniously chucked on the ‘ex’ pile. I thoroughly recommend trying it. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll have the time of your life. Oh yeah, you’ll learn a thing or two. That I can promise.
There were warning signs long before we called time. Let’s just say that if you have major doubts about being engaged, you probably shouldn’t be. I’m not talking about your standard nervousness, I mean debilitating, undermining doubt. My ideas about marriage made me beyond uncomfortable. I was outright scared. From the price-per-head to musing over what makes a ‘good wife’, I was afraid. Without ever planning to, I set about sabotaging the whole thing, the very thing I had wanted… and one day, didn’t want any more.
“I called off the engagement.”
I called off the engagement before the relationship ended. I took my fears to mean that it wasn’t the right time yet. He put on a brave face and said that was okay. But, dear reader, pro tip: if you end your engagement, you will hurt the other person. Even if you love them. Even if you still think you’ll marry them one day. While you’re saying ‘I’m not ready for this’, they may hear. ‘I’m not ready for you’, and, wait for it, they may leave.
I spent a long time how I could reconcile my thirst for freedom and adventure with the image of domesticity that marriage presented me. spent time abroad with girIfriends and wished even more that I was ‘free’. And then, all of a sudden, I was. I was so free and I didn’t know what to do with that. It was lonely and doubly afraid. So here’s what I did.
I cried. I cried at home. I cried at work. I cried on the treadmill. I had so many feelings.
“I had so many feelings.”