parents

The birth question Google doesn't have the answer to.

Approximately a month before the birth of my first child I ran through a mental check list and concluded that I had prepared myself as best as possible for the labour.

My hospital bag was packed.

The antenatal course run by the hospital was complete.

I had read “Birthing Skills” by Juju Sundin cover to cover and even tabbed the most relevant pages.

Let’s do this.

Hubby had been provided with a list of things to do/not to do during the labour to avoid pissing me off (which if followed would ensure his balls remained in tact).

More on the subject: “My first ever brazilian wax.”

With the essential preparation out of the way I then turned my mind to considering what sort of downstairs ‘hairstyle’ might be appropriate for the occasion.

Clearly, I had far too much time on my hands as I agonised over the decision.

Ouch.

While prior to my pregnancy I had more or less kept in regular contact with my beauty therapist and maintained a full Brazilian wax, I had lost the motivation to continue with this maintenance through the second part of my pregnancy (particularly given my husband would not touch me with his 10 foot pole for fear of hurting the baby) and so was at that point sporting a far more 1970’s ‘au naturel’ look in my nether regions.

For even more Brazilians: This is for any woman who has ever had her love cave waxed for a man.

I considered my options. A Brazilian wax would leave the area smooth and clean and give any observers a better visual of the baby’s head coming out.  Still – I felt that it was slightly too ‘porno’ for the nature of the occasion and might look to my obstetrician like I was trying too hard.

Fun!

Leaving the 1970’s bush in tact was out of the question – aside from the fact that I would feel utterly embarrassed by the medical staff being first hand observers to my lack of fanny maintenance I also felt that it was unfair for the baby’s first entrance into the world to be head first through the jabiru’s nest in my undies.

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Even more again? Has this ever happened to you during a bikini wax?

Confused, I consulted a friend of mine who was due to give birth the week before me and asked how she was planning to dress her beef curtains for the occasion.

She informed me that she has booked in for a Brazilian immediately before her planned induction date. She pointed out that if there was significant tearing down below and stitches were needed; the doctor would shave the said area in any event.

Is it worth this? Is anything?

Eventually I made the decision to book in for a full Brazilian a few weeks before my due date. I figured that by the time the baby was born there would be a respectable sprinkling of hair on my vajayjay – neat and tidy, but not too porno.

I figured that the look would be tasteful, and show that I was well maintained, but not trying too hard.

I was induced 3 weeks after I underwent the wax. As planned, I had a light sprinkling of regrowth covering my lady parts. Respectable, I thought.

Mia weighs in: Some thoughts about Sophie Monk’s missing vagina and absent pubic hair.

The labour was long and arduous and resulted in the baby becoming stuck when I was 9cm dilated.  It soon became apparent that the baby was unable to be pushed out vaginally. As I was wheeled up to theatre for an emergency caesarean, panicked and in the worst pain of my life, I heard one of the midwives say, “Doctor – does she need to be shaved?”.

Glancing down, the obstetrician replied, “no – that should be fine”.

And for the briefest of seconds I felt smug and congratulated myself about my choice of hairstyle and my wise decision.

Ten minutes later I had my son in my arms and my world changed forever.

Its pretty safe to say that the jabiru’s nest has made a strong comeback since that time – and I think it will be sticking around for a while. At least until the next birth …..