Recently my lack of a dating life went viral and played out something like this: One minute I was an Aussie woman typing on a laptop in Hollywood sharing her dating observations with you. The next minute, in a Chinese news article I’m described as a marshmallow Pakistani wannabe actress who pumps meat with some weird reference to peach blossoms. Talk about lost in translation! As it turns out, being a ‘Marshmallow Girl’ is a good thing and to be honest I kind of like it.
Then Criminal Minds/S.WA.T. star Shemar Moore shares your posts, and what’s a still single, 30-something, plus-size woman to do? Re-launch her plus size dating quest, 50 Fat Dates, that’s what! Oh, and ask Shemar Moore out. No response so far (LOL).
Since I vowed to take control of my dating life, I know exactly where my renewed quest to find love starts. Bumble.
Here’s two definitive reasons why I chose the women-make-the-first-move app as my entrée back into the dating pool.
#1: My friend met her fiancé on Bumble.
They’re heading to the altar next month. And get this, they lived on the same street two buildings apart for four years and never met. It’s pretty much like the opening scene of When Harry Met Sally with the older couples reminiscing on how they met. When they moved in together it was just a matter of carrying her stuff two doors up the road. She didn’t even have to apply for a new street-parking permit for her car. One can only dream of this delightful dating convenience! And who doesn’t love a first-hand success story of a loved-up couple in their 30s.
#2: I need to take charge of my love life.
Be active instead of passive. That’s my new mantra. To be clear I’m not saying ‘aggressive’ but just no more waiting for guys to approach me randomly, as has been in the past. You know how people say “A man won’t show up on your doorstep”. Well, I once scored a date with my plumber. And guess what. He literally showed up on my doorstep. But my pipes are fine now, and aside from breaking stuff to entice tradies to my place, Bumble it is!
Forget dipping your toe in the dating pool. This is a full-on cannonball run and jump. Complete immersion with a big old splash.
I set up my profile pretty quickly and one of the first people I see is a guy who lived across the hall from me in college. What? We studied together 15 years ago. I was his resident assistant and he was my resident. Quick backstory for you: He was on the football team and I wondered if he remembered the time I busted him in the dorms and his coach made him run laps because of me. Whatever, dude got himself an MBA and has climbed Machu Picchu. He’s fine.
I take a breath and swipe right. Yes! He’s a match. That means he’s already liked me but did he actually remember me? The ball’s in my court to message him and I have just 24 hours to respond. Tick. Tick. Tick. It took me 24 seconds. Which meant he now had a full day to respond.
Within 24 minutes, we’d already set up a date. The first thing he said was, “Hey, didn’t you write me up when we were in college?”
That’s the thing about Bumble. It’s different because the woman HAS to make the move. Men can’t message a woman first. Plus there’s a time limit. You only have 24 hours to communicate with your match or they vanish. F-o-r-e-v-e-r.
Talk about FOMO!
The fear of missing out is real and the Bumble built-in ticking clock has motivated me to message guys I'd probably swipe right or do nothing about. Now, it’s act-on-the match or deal with the fact that my future husband may be chatting to a woman who had the guts to make the first move when I didn’t. This is a lesson in dating decisiveness.
Sometimes you swipe left then regret. It moves pretty quickly right. With Bumble you have a chance to backtrack if you change your mind. FOMO once again. You can shake your phone and track back and say yes if you were trigger happy. That’s nice.
The other nice thing is that you can see mutual friends, based on Facebook profiles. I’ve been using this feature as a personal gauge for vouching by association. Sometimes I’ll message my friend and ask about the person I’ve seen before I swipe. Hey, it’s a bit of advance research right! I’ve actually been surprised by how many common connections there have been on Bumble. I like that a lot.
So, the dates. I’ve been on two so far!
Jumping back in was so much easier than I expected. I hadn’t been on a date since last year so I was a bit nervous about being back in the dating pool.
I like to start with a coffee date, as it’s quick, it’s casual, and a no-pressure way to meet in person. It isn’t awkward. I think all daters these days can appreciate that.
Both men were really nice. As soon as I met each guy in person I relaxed, and so did they. In fact, it felt really good. I wasn’t bumbling at all.
Oh, and I've still got the date with the ex-college football player next week. We've been messaging back-and-forth for a while so it's going pretty well so far. My confidence is back and I’m buzzing.
Who knows what's next?
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This content was created with thanks to our brand partner Bumble.
Bumble started as an app to connect people with future significant others, but Bumble is no longer only a dating app. We firmly believe that life is about relationships, and our mission is to provide people with a better way to meet. We have partnered with Mamamia to bring you the ultimate guide on how to Bumble. Whether you are connecting with potential partners, friends through Bumble BFF or soon Business connections through Bumble Biz we will be the place you are no longer afraid to meet the people you don’t know.