real life

'The four crappy things I was bullied for in high school now make me cool.'

Have you noticed all the tech nerds are now billionaires and marrying the world’s most beautiful women?

It’s legit Revenge of the Nerds, which makes me think that I’m 20 years too late on being ‘cool’. Everything I was teased about in high school is what makes me fabulous now. Sure, it’s only taken 20 years but I’m loving it.

Back in the ’80s and ’90s bullying wasn’t a ‘thing’. It didn’t make national news or have awareness campaigns and anti-bullying school policies.

High school was about surviving and if you were viciously targeted (like me) it was just thought of by students, teachers and parents as ‘character building’. I certainly built a lot of ‘character’ during that time and am so happy to finally have the last laugh (even if it took two decades).

1.Hair

Yes, I have a lot of hair. It’s thick. It’s long. And it’s dark.

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Back Then: Every hairdresser I’d ever been to would comment, “You’ve got a lot of hair. Do you want me to thin it out for you?” I used to say yes as they hacked through my hair with the horrific serrated thinning scissors to make it more ‘manageable’ and look like everyone else.

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Side Note: When you have lots of hair it’s generally everywhere not just your head. I had the dreaded lady moustache, hairy arms and hairy legs. Not just a little. A lot. Being a dark-haired, light-skin girl meant everything was amplified. Even if I shaved my legs you could see the black spots of the hairs underneath. It was hell.

The Turning Point: Laser hair removal was invented and I got the everything done; lower arms, lip, underarms, and lower legs. And just like that it was magically gone. Score! Finally a win for the dark-haired girls who will never have to shave again (I haven’t had to in more than a decade). Sure having a girl mo is never going to be cool but the point on this one is that technology caught up.

These days: When it comes to big hair, women throw down thousands of bucks to buy human locks. Whose hair is it anyway? Nobody knows but they sit there for hours and hours getting a stranger’s hair glued on to get extensions and somehow hooked it for volume. You hated my big hair and gave me sh*t for it in high school and now it’s as cool as F*ck and you wish you were me. Costs you thousands. Costs me nothing. How do you like them apples?

2. Being Fat

My plus size, pear shape body was another point of ridicule in high school. Yes, I was the fat girl. Still am. Big bum small boobs.

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Back Then: Size 16 was considered fat and most Aussie shops stopped at a 14. Today that’s average but in the ’80s and ’90s there just wasn’t the plus size range that’s available today, no cool girl plus size stores like City Chic and the internet wasn’t even invented (shocker).

So while all the high school girls were shopping at SportsGirl I was wearing what looked like 60-year-old granny clothes. What was underneath was a fabulous curvy girl body with a big booty but unfortunately I didn’t know that at the time. I wish I did.

The Turning Point: The body positivity revolution.  Hooray. This really kicked off  when social media became a thing and plus size bloggers became influencers and making six figures a year. Plus size women in the media went from Roseanne to Rebel Wilson.

These Days: I launched Big Curvy Love in 2012 and built a career out of being plus size. I have literally been paid for showing off my fat butt in fabulous clothes on the blog and Instagram. Oh, and I’m way bigger than a the size 16 I was in high school at a size 24.

Plus size women have leading roles and are making bank. How’s that for turning the beat around?

3. Big bum

You’re fat of course you have a big bum, duh! Right? Wrong. Whether I’m fat or thin I’ll always have a big bum. I’m a pear shape and it’s my body shape. Apples can be big and have no bum. So there you go.

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Back Then: Fat girl. Fat bum. Fat chance! Ain’t no guy going to chase me in high school for a date. Ever. I’ve spoken about this on the difference between dating in Australia and the USA. 

The Turning Point: Sir MixALot Baby Got Back was released in 1992 and is still a floor filler but the American affection for big butts didn’t hit Australia for decades. In fact, I still don’t think it has. I found the turning point for this one by going on my 50 Fat Dates in Los Angeles.

Was it Kim Kardashian that finally did it? I can’t be sure when being the owner of a big bouncy butt became cool but I’m glad it did! I feel as though I’ve walking around with a winning lottery ticket and not knowing it. Once I finally figured it out I was stacked in the back I took full advantage.

These Days: People are having buttock augmentation and either injecting their own fat into their bum or getting silicone implants. Yes, women are putting their own fat it their bum after having teased me for having a fat bum! ha ha ha.

4. Eyebrows

Eyebrow styles go in and out of fashion. I get it. I’ve had these Elizabeth Taylor dark arched eyebrows my entire life.

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Back Then: A heavy brow on a teenage girl with a moustache was just too much in high school. With women’s eyebrows it was wax on wax off for decades. Not for me.

The Turning Point: Cara Delevingne.

These Days: People are getting their brows ‘feathered’. This is when a row of needles is used to hand-draw in individual eyebrow hairs. Yes basically tattooing in hairs one by one. Dye is applied so it absorbs into the incisions. Meanwhile I pluck the stray white hair and I’m done. Other women are getting their eyebrows tinted, waxed, shaped, coloured in with an eyebrow pencil and other things I’m not even aware of I’m sure.

So, big hair, plus size, big bum, heavy arched eyebrows are my things. What about you have finally come into play?  

Tags: bullying , facebook-rogue , facebook-tg , teaments
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