It’s immortal. And just when you think the drama has died out, and that the glittery celebs have packed up their stuff and moved on, it’s like a perfect phoenix that rises from the pages of a trashy gossip mag.
This morning, Brynne Edelsten appeared on KIIS 1065’s Kyle & Jackie O Show to talk about my favourite public feud, which I decided to name yesterday. It shall hereby be referred to as ‘Was It A Nightcap Or Was It Just Casual Sex’ (WIANCOWIJCS for short).
For those of you reading this who think I'm speaking in tongues, I'll walk you through what we've been told about the epic five stage mega-drama so far.
- Brynne Edelsten and Shane Warne met at a charity event last Thursday. Got chatting. Took a fancy to one another. Shane (allegedly) grabbed Brynne's bum. Then the very tan singletons decided to leave in separate cabs and meet later for what Shane calls a "night cap" at Brynne's apartment (Brynne, on the other hand, calls this "staying the night".)
- The late night meeting went awry because, for an unknown reason, a paparazzo was an absolute pest and waiting for Shane when he came to the front of Brynne's place.
- Shane posted a fiery status to Facebook that night, suggesting Brynne intentionally set him up with the paps.
- Brynne didn't like the implication she was a sneaky pap caller - so released the (very sexy texts) Shane sent her to a gossip mag on Monday, which also indicated Warnie knew paps were there all along. (If you're wondering, my personal was "Excited for me to devour u?" Good GOD that line gives me life.)
- Then - THEN - yesterday, Dave 'Hughesy' Hughes somehow got involved and told his radio audience that his good mate Warnie had "dodged a bullet" and that Brynne had doctored the text messages.
Okay, we all good? Nobody got lost there? Fabulous. Let's move right alone folks, because this is where THE NEW AND EXCITING AND JUICY STUFF happens. This morning. On Kyle & Jackie O's radio show to be precise.
"Let's get one thing straight," Kyle started the interview to let us know this is going to be ten minutes of total gold, 'Brynne says she did not sell anything to Women’s Day… she's made no money off this at all.'
Brynne insists this was never an attempt to "scam a story", but just an unfortunate set of "embarrassing" circumstances she now wants to clear up. Admitting that "trying to live under a rock unfortunately hasn’t worked out so well for me," the socialite wants people to know one thing: This was NOT a set up. Whatsoever.
"I warned him. I said that paps were still outside (Crown Casino). And then I spoke to him on the phone not long after that… I told him when I got to my apartment I don't think (the pap) followed me. The second I get downstairs to let him in… there's the paps.
"I’m glad he likes himself so much, but you know what? Honestly it’s not something to brag about, it's not my proudest moment and definitely not something I set up," Brynne told the hosts like total Queen that she is. #AllHailBrynne
Watch: What was the last text you sent your partner? (Post continues after video).
For Kyle, the most disappointing thing is that the two blonde celebs never got to enjoy their, ahem, "night cap".
“If you had been devoured it would have been worth it, but you haven’t even been devoured," he said in a way only Kyle Sandilands can. But Brynne isn't exactly losing sleep over missing out on "Shane's penis" (Kyle's words, not mine), and swiftly replied “I think I’m lucky for that one."
Then we had a bombshell from Kyle that absolutely nobody expected... ever.
"If you’re going to bang another celebrity - and believe me I’ve banged plenty of them - you want to do this under the cloak of darkness," he agreed with Brynne.
“This is something I’d rather not come out," Queen Brynne continued flawlessly, explaining why she didn't reply to Warnie's texts. “I was pissed off. I turned my phone off, I went upstairs, I was pissed... I don’t know how much more I could have assured him I didn’t set it up."
(Meanwhile - I'm still seeing black spots everywhere after the whole 'Kyle has banged plenty of celebrities' thing. This is seriously the gift that just keeps on giving.)
As for those texts that were released to Woman's Day, Brynne revealed she hasn't leaked anything to the mag whatsoever. Rather sadly, she thinks it must have been a couple of friends who she sent the screenshot to.
“They’re clearly not friends. It’s upsetting… it’s crap.”
But Brynne's shitty fake friends definitely didn't edit the texts, she says. “No, they’re not edited. If anything there’s a lot more texts on my phone that say a lot more," she assured the pair, adding, "I’m actually just pissed off now. I’m really upset and pissed off and disappointed altogether."
"I won't be trying this one again," she concluded, adding that she wishes Shane well but that there's absolutely no chance of a rain check. "Let's just put it behind us."