“All bikinis leading up to the wedding must be strapless bandeaus. I cannot have terrible tan lines in strapless dresses.”
A bride issued the following list of instructions to her bridesmaids:
Welcome to my bridal party. I thought today would be a great day to start this chain, as it is officially six months until my wedding day.
I just wanted to go over some ground rules.
1. Weigh-ins will begin in 3 weeks. I for one would really like some time after Thanksgiving to make my body forget about what it consumed, so I thought I would give you guys some cushion room
2. No-one can be skinner than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans.
3. Bed times leading up to the wedding will be strictly enforced. I absolutely cannot have you all have saggy, baggy eyes. I am sure you all understand.
4. Swimwear attire: I would like everyone to wear matching bikinis that have rhinestones on the tushie spelling out "maids," which brings me to my next point.
5. All bikinis leading up to the wedding must be strapless bandeaus. I cannot have terrible tan lines in strapless dresses.
6. Sunscreen: We need to make sure you ladies look lovely and radiant and not red and reptile like. Pack accordingly.
7. Speeches: We all know what happened at Taylor's wedding. So if you plan to make a toast, please submit it for approval and revision, no later than 4 weeks prior to the wedding.
8. Hair cuts: If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well).
9. Attendance: is strongly requested at all events but I will make some exceptions on a case by case basis.
10. Ink: Consider this a moratorium on future tattoos until June 5th. Those of you with visible artwork will be privately contacted with (temporary) removal instructions.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Should everyone abide by these minor requests, I am sure we will all have a memorable weekend.
Just kidding bitches, well, sorta. love you all,
Hahahahahah… hahaha… ha. Hah?
This bride is exerting control over EVERYTHING. Hair, tattoos, skin pigmentation, weight, even what time her bridesmaids go to bed.
Apparently, despite this terrifying email, one bridesmaid failed to adhere to instructions. Which meant there was a FOLLOW UP EMAIL:
It has been brought to my attention (picture proof) that one of my Maids is in violation of Rule 8 of the Bridal Party Contract. Rule 8 clearly stipulates that "If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well)."
While I am sure this was a minor oversight by my bad little bee, I would like to remind everyone of the ramifications of violating any of the aforementioned rules. Failure to adhere to my commandments, can result in Bridalparty banishment!
I would appreciate a call from the hair-color-changing culprit immediately, with a proposed remedy by the end of the day.
The Queen Bee
The 'Queen' then sent another follow up, after one of her frightened 'bees' thought it best to ask permission before a trip to the hairdresser.
"I am preferential to blonde hair (with the exception of Lizzie & Holly who I think are better with darker locks) and seeing as I liked her better as a blonde goddess, it was approved. Had she asked for bangs as well, she would have been denied."
A moment of mercy from her majesty. But Chloe- FYI, if you 'hack off your bangs,' it's all over.
Chloe didn't listen.
"Good afternoon all of my faithful bees. It brings me great sadness to write this e-mail but it was brought to my attention that one of my chosen-bees has defected. She is in violation of Rule 8, despite asking permission and having her request denied! The punishment is obviously bridal party banishment. However, after careful consideration, I have decided to re-instate her status on a provision basis. As long as her bangs grow out by [date two weeks before the wedding], she will be allowed to participate in our festivities. She has reassured me that she will be using horse shampoo for rapid hair growth until that point."
Have you ever been a bridesmaid? What was a ridiculous stipulation you received?