Alas, this picture will just about do me.
I’m calling it.
This photo is bullshit.
This breastfeeding picture has created controversy around the world after it ignited the “when is a child too old to be breastfed?” debate. Let me begin by saying, FORGET IT. I don’t give a baby’s-merconium-smelling-fart about how long a mother chooses to breastfeed her child. Hell, breastfeed your child during her high school graduation for all I care. Go for it.
But I do have a problem with this.
Paulina Splechta, the photographer, told Mamabean, “I am proud to be able to capture this amazing moment, but I am even more hopeful that through the work that I do, I can help contribute to spreading the word in our society that breastfeeding is normal.”
Newsflash: this moment is not normal.
I would struggle to swim in that swell BY MYSELF. Let alone with a child. Let alone with a child suckling at my breast.
I’m really worried about this woman’s lovely top.
Also, I couldn’t even wear that top without being paranoid of sticky, dirty baby fingers coming anywhere near it.
Two words come to mind when I see that sunset. Witching. Hour.
I cannot do anything or be anything other than a slave to my children at this time.
“Would you like another yoghurt, sire?”
“Shall I do the buttons up on your pyjamas?”
Sometimes I feel like bloody Carson The Butler from Downton Abbey as I dress and feed my tired, emotional people.
Going outside? To the beach? In the water? My head might spin off if I think about it any more.
When you’re breastfeeding, it’s all about the position, right?
Football hold. Traditional hold. Latching. Burping. Gagging. My heavens, I could write a book about it. (Because we all know we need another book on breastfeeding). Let me paint a picture for you:
The average mother is propped on a comfortable couch (or the most comfortable she can find), cushions surrounding her back, pillows under her arm. Sometimes she’s sweaty from being so – well, so bloody – close to another body. It’s a process. It’s a process when you’re in the comfort of your own home.