Breast pumps are interesting objects.
I clearly remember walking into the kitchen soon after acquiring my first pump, to see my perplexed husband trying to decipher which kitchen cupboard this extremely foreign object was supposed to go in. Did it belong in the Tupperware drawer or was it some type of utensil?
I then explained to him how this trumpet looking device was going to be the answer to all of our problems… soon he would get to share in the enjoyment of night feeds (and I may get a solid four hours sleep), we could top Miss A up after her bedtime feed in the hope that she may miraculously sleep through.
And most of all, a boozy night may even be possible, where I may actually see a little of my old non-mum self again. Falls Festival was on the horizon after all! So the pumping began.
It wasn’t long before I realised this whole pumping revelation wasn’t so straight forward after all.
Problem one – STERILISATION. After thirty minutes of carefully putting my new toy together I realised it needed to be ‘sterilised’ before it could even be used for the first time (why do they write this at the END of the instructions?) Thankfully it turns out boiling water does the job.
Problem two - DEHYDRATION. Producing breast milk is bloody thirsty work, however with both hands in use holding the bottles, drinking is not an option. Unless you have the world’s longest straw, you have a prehensile tail or you are smart enough to strap a camel pack to your back, this human need cannot be fulfilled whilst pumping. I know some people have used the straps to keep the bottles secure without holding them. Kudos to those it works for, but I still need that tail.