I find the loss of female friendships almost as heartbreaking as ending a romantic relationship. When I've seen the light and shade of my friends' beautiful personalities and have shared so many experiences, I start to wonder how on earth I could ever leave them. Even though I know I can't hang on.
We each have that one friend, acquaintance, or family member who projects all their insecurities onto others. They are rarely happy for your accomplishments and feel constantly outraged with the world and anyone who is slightly different to them. It's like they've created a box for themselves and get so darn angry when you won't jump in it.
While you're here, watch the trailer for MPlus. Post continues after video.
Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about it once, describing a time when she was on stage with her friend Rob Bell, who shared his theory of "the crab bucket". Rob said, "Remember that a family is basically just a big crab bucket – whenever one of the crabs climbs out and tries to escape, the other crabs will grab hold of him and pull him back down."
Friendship, it seems, is just another type of crab bucket. But what do you do when those pincers start to nip around your ankles?
I once had a friend who was fun, kind and loving. If I needed help, she'd be by my side in a heartbeat, providing me with a glass of wine and a shoulder to cry on whenever I needed it. We'd been through breakups, marriage affairs, illness, births, and almost every experience you could imagine. But whenever I was with her, I had to hide myself a little bit.
At first, it didn’t seem like a big deal.
I knew she didn't like my spiritual side, so I just didn’t talk about anything spiritual when she was around. Once, when I did briefly open up, she told some mutual friends that she felt like she’d been "bashed over the head by a Bible". This was despite the fact that I have no interest in religion or the Bible.