Being engaged changes everything. I mean, it’s supposed to, so that’s fair enough.
But what if you don’t want to be engaged? I didn’t. But I didn’t realise that until it was too late.
I’ve never told this to anyone. I definitely didn’t tell him. Most of the reason I’ve kept my mouth shut for the past year was to spare his feelings, but if I’m completely honest, self-preservation was at stake too.
I’ll never forget the feeling I had when I turned around to see him drop to one knee, the little box clasped in his hands. It took about five seconds for me to realise the whole night had been a ruse. Everything from the faux dinner with friends who suddenly couldn’t make it, to the luxurious $700 hotel room, had been strategically planned especially for me.
"I'll never forget the feeling..." Image via iStock.
Time stopped. I looked down at him, confused and then, finally, incredulous. The penny had dropped.
The ring was a beautiful, big princess-cut diamond, surrounded by a rounded square of diamonds, with a band, littered with even more diamonds. It was unique and custom-designed, because he knew I didn’t like the ones in the shops.
As reality sunk in, I felt sick. I felt light-headed; as if I was on a huge stage, under a spotlight, in front of a packed crowd, naked. There was no way out. Shit had just got real.
There was no explosion of love and happiness like in the movies. I unceremoniously grabbed the ring out of the box and shoved it my finger, because I didn’t know what else to do. I had to fill the awkward, nauseating silence somehow.