friendship

Four women share how they feel about their boyfriend's relationships with other women.

This week, a dear friend of mine shared an article titled4 “Rules” For a Husband’s Friendships With Other Women, into our group chat.

I expected things to get spicy. Truly.

There was one friend who did consistently revert back to, “Remember my [insert ex-boyfriend who slept with ‘just a friend’]…” but honestly, most of my female friends didn’t feel this way.

The idea of rules elicited this type of response, “PUL-LEASE. RULES?”

In light of this – our self-assured, considered opinions – here are the real “rules” that my 20-something-aged friends have about their male partners daring to cross paths with another female.

Rule 1: That’s cool. But I get male friends, too.

This was the overwhelming response from my friends. They are completely happy with their boyfriends to be friends with the opposite sex because half of their friends were male.

“I don’t really have a choice but to be fine with it because so many of my close friends are boys,” my friend, Em* wrote.

jess-and-schmidt-new-girl

Jess and Schmidt from New Girl. Image via Facebook.

"I would never stop him from having friendships with women. EVER," Prisha said.

"Also because I have many guy friends that if he tried to stop me being friends with guys, would be a big deal for me. It's def the double standards thing."

Rule 2: Can I please know the woman?

While Em is definitely down for her boyfriend befriending people of any gender, it is easier if she knows the woman.

"I guess the one reason I am so okay with it is because I have made sure I form my own relationships with the girls too. Perhaps it would be different if they are strangers, but I make sure I make an effort and then it's totally fine," she told me.

In my effort to be more like my journalist hero, Leigh Sales, I decided to press Em on this point.

What if her boyfriend suddenly started hanging out with a new woman at his work? They started getting lunch every Wednesday? What happens then?

Fortunately, Em didn't crumble under the Sales pressure.

Should you have rules for your relationship? And if so, what are they? (Post continues after audio.)

"Yeah if he wasn't trying to hide her from me and he wanted us to meet!" Em happily responded.

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Prisha also adds, which none of us had thought of before, his female friends were the fast lane to a new friendship.

"I'm so ok with him having friends who are chicks and making new friends with chicks - they become my friends too and I didn't have to do the 'work' of befriending them hahahaha #lazy," she says.

Which is just genius.

Rule 3: Exes fall under the 'special' category.

Mid-way through the conversation, another friend, Kay, added her two cents.

"My boyfriend is friends with lots of girls. I'm okay with it because, a) I am friends with some guys. One of them is my second bestie. b) he hasn't slept with any of them," she said.

It's funny because up until then, no one had mentioned their boyfriends being friends with exes.

This is a whole new ball game, people.

Once again, I channelled my inner-Leigh Sales and pressed Kay on this.

This should not be happening. No. No. No. v

What if said boyfriend had slept with them? Hey, what about that?

Because Kay is one of the loveliest humans in the world, she had some very sound advice if you were worried about exes being friends.

"If he was hanging out one on one with an ex-girlfriend I would need to be good friends with her myself," she said.

"Like, I'd need to know that I could always crash their friend date if I wanted to and it wouldn't be a big deal."

SO. TRUE.

Rule 4: Good guys are friends with women.

The fourth friend to be part of this entire conversation, Rosy, was mostly quiet. But, dropped this truth bomb.

"I find that guys with close girl friends are often the ones who really respect women and know how to talk to them too which make them better partners!" she said.

Amen to that, Rosy.

Now, over to you. Do you have "rules"? 

*All names have been changed.

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