We’ve all been there.
You’re in love and you can’t wait to brag about it on Instagram. But before you upload a sunset shot of the two of you #blessed – are you really sure he’s not just an old chip you found behind the couch?
If you have any doubts whether boo is truly the one or just a deep fried piece of carbohydrate, you’re not alone. Statistics show that three in four women will mistake the snack aisle for a speed dating event at least once in their lifetime.
They say the path to true love never runs smooth. And they ain’t wrong. I once spent two romantic weeks in Mount Druitt with a packet of Monte Carlos. I MARRIED A TUB OF CORN RELISH DIP.
So, to avoid walking down the aisle towards a packet of BBQ Shapes, ask yourself the following questions to determine whether bae is more vegetable than animal:
1. Where did you meet the lucky fella? Was it in your own living room in the middle of a ten hour House of Cards binge? Did you think he was just the strong, silent type and that he would start opening up once you got to know each other?
2. Does he like all the same things as you? Netflix, dip, foil-based packaging? Have you ever witnessed him leaving the house to go to work or hitting up the supermarket for a carton and a few kilos of bacon?
3. When you try to talk to him about your relationship, does he just stare back at you with his blank potato face?
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4. Think back to the last time you licked him – did he taste more salty and linty than he should have?
5. Is he still crunchy?
6. That tie you bought him for Christmas – has he worn it yet? If he hasn’t, it could be because he doesn’t have opposable thumbs. Or a neck.
7. Does your sex life still consist of masturbating to The West Wing? And then crying about it?
If you answered yes to any of these, I’m sorry but that future husband of yours is most likely a Dorito.
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