
Sam is five. A middle child. A “terror”, according to his dad, Aaron Gouveia. He’s loud, rough and tumble, always grubby, loves trucks and and football, and “knee drops” Aaron from the couch.
Sam also likes a lot of “girl” things.
Sam has a collection of purses because he likes to carry things around. And he also loves to have his nails painted bright colors because he thinks they “look beautiful.” And he’s right – they are beautiful… pic.twitter.com/tdMdpJZH5w
— Daddy Files (@DaddyFiles) October 23, 2018
The Massachusetts boy’s parents have spent years fostering his freedom of expression, teaching him the importance of tolerance, empathy, and acceptance. But in a single day, it started to unravel.
As parenting blogger, Aaron, wrote on Twitter on Tuesday, Sam was this week confronted with “how shitty and harmful toxic masculinity is”, with “BS gender norms” – all because he painted his nails.
“He proudly wore his red nail polish to kindergarten this morning because Sam has absolutely no concept of nail polish only being for girls or reason to think anyone would possibly have a problem with beautiful nails,” he wrote.
This is my son, Sam. He’s 5. And today he learned how shitty and harmful #ToxicMasculinity is. My rage meter is spiking right now so excuse me if this is a little raw but there are some things I want to say about BS #gender norms (a thread) pic.twitter.com/NtoE2VHKsU
— Daddy Files (@DaddyFiles) October 23, 2018
But Sam’s peers did have a problem. They ridiculed him, the called him names, they told him to take it off.
“This lasted the entire day,” he wrote. “When my wife picked him up from school he collapsed into her arms and cried uncontrollably. He was devastated at how other kids turned on him, even his friends. He asked them to stop but that just made it worse. Only one kid stood up for him.”
For the first time in this little boy’s life, he felt that ‘different’ meant ‘bad’.
Sobbing down the phone, he called his dad: “Daddy,” he said. “I want mummy to take off the nail polish so they don’t make fun of me.”
It broke the father-of-three’s heart, and fuelled his anger.
“I know these kids are only in kindergarten but this toxic masculinity bullshit is LEARNED. Learned most of the time from parents,” he wrote. “So parents, I hope you’re proud. I hope this is what you wanted. I hope you’re satisfied.”
I bet they don’t know. I bet their parents don’t even know. But what I do know is Sam is a goddamn fireworks show of a human being and I won’t let that be dulled for a second by this restrictive bullshit that’s been choking boys forever.
— Daddy Files (@DaddyFiles) October 23, 2018
After a chat with his son, and reassurance that Thor/Chris Hemsworth and Captain Jack Sparrow paint their nails, Sam slowly changed his mind.
That moved me to paint MY nails. Sam picked out this color called “Main Squeeze” & I think it’s understated but lovely. Sam is sticking with red because “it’s pretty and good luck for the @patriots.” #ItsOnlyWeirdIfItDoesntWork pic.twitter.com/KtuwldiEJw
— Daddy Files (@DaddyFiles) October 23, 2018
Aaron’s thread has attracted tens of thousands of reactions and even television news coverage in the States. But crucially, it also attracted stories from other parents about their polished boys. And men.
Hi Sam, I shared your story with my son, Wyatt. He’s always enjoyed having his nails painted. He’s almost 10 now & put on his favorite color tonight to support you.
By-the-way: Wyatt is borderline genius & he’s smart enough to know it’s awesome for boys to wear nail polish! ???? pic.twitter.com/1p8joqQb5X
— Zuul E. Leonard (@JewelELeonard) October 24, 2018
My husband is better at painting nails than me and my daughter loves to paint his! It’s other people’s problems not your child’s! pic.twitter.com/dLaaLN3uAw
— Ceri Moore (@ceri2bigfeet) October 24, 2018
These polished toes belong to a retired navy seal chief. I wouldn’t bet on anyone who criticized or made fun of him!!One of the first into Afghanistan in 01. These are the Redskin colors! Go big little man! Follow your parents lead!! ❤️???????? pic.twitter.com/tcvFUqwlgK
— Sunnysuz#GlovesOff (@susied327) October 24, 2018
Sam saw and heard all the messages, and he had one thing to say.
“Thanks for supporting me. I got a new shade of nail polish. It has glitter on it!”
Belinda Jepsen
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