Beyonce says seeing her post baby weight was ‘every woman’s worst nightmare’. These are our... actual worst nightmares.

When Beyonce speaks, the world listens.

And this week she said something that was rather… odd. In a video titled “22 Days Nutrition”, posted to her personal YouTube channel, the mother-of-three gave fans a behind-the-scenes insight into her post-partum weight loss journey.

The acclaimed singer, who at the time of filming had just given birth to her twins Rumi and Sir Carr, began her vlog with her feet stood on the scales, revealing it was the first day of Coachella rehearsals.

“Every woman’s nightmare: my weight, 175 [pounds],” she casually says, zooming in on the three numbers.

“Long way to go,” she emphasised. “Let’s get it.”

Watch the beginning of Beyonce’s YouTube below. Post continues after video. 

But what is awkward about her awfully presumptuous statement about “every woman’s nightmare” is that it is… wrong. Demonstrably so.

You see, 175 pounds, or 79 kilos, is just eight kilos heavier than the average female body in Australia and for many, there are far more worrying, nightmare-ish circumstances we can think of than standing on a scale and weighing more than we previously have.

So we asked women what their actual worst nightmares are. And funny that; not a single woman mentioned their weight.

  1. Getting a parasite in my eye.
  2. My eyebrows being shaved off.
  3. Getting a haemorrhoid on a 14 hour plane journey.
  4. My google search history being made public.
  5. Sitting on the toilet and then realising you’ve run out of toilet paper.
  6. This month’s electricity bill.
  7. Wondering whether you’ll have to stand all the way to work on the train when you’re eight months pregnant.
  8. Eating a spider in my sleep.
  9. Hearing possums in your roof and then worrying that your roof might fall down.
  10. A toddler with a flamethrower.
  11. Being attacked by a shark.
  12. When you remember at 1pm that you didn’t put deodorant on this morning.
  13. Watching Married At First Sight. And loving it.
  14. Going to the toilet on an plane when there is turbulence.
  15. When your card is declined.
  16. Getting a Brazilian.
  17. Pulling out your tampon and two coming out.
  18. Getting a UTI in a remote location with no access to antibiotics.
  19. Everyone in my family dies, except me.
  20. Global warming.
  21. That new flesh eating bacteria I saw on the news this week.
  22. When you get a notification that your mum shared something with you on Facebook.
  23. Something happening to one of my parents while I’m living on the opposite side of the world.
  24. Being told you’re due for a pap smear test.
  25. Falling into Jupiter would be the most terrifying thing, and it’s so massive that as soon as you’re anywhere near it you’d be unable to escape. As it’s a gas giant you’d fall through the gas layers as they steadily increased in pressure until it crushed you. There’s no surface to hit, just falling, and your body would just continue to sink after it was crushed until it reached an equilibrium point where it’d just… float. Forever. If you’re lucky you’ll be torn apart by the supersonic storms before you’re crushed.
  26. Magpies.
  27. Having to ask the hot pharmacist which aisle the Combantrin is in.
  28. When he ‘slips’ during sex and pretends it was an accident.
  29. Being on a plane and all of a sudden the oxygen masks drop and everyone starts screaming and the pilot starts yelling and a bunch of random people start standing up in masks and they’re taking us to an unknown destination.
  30. When an unknown number calls your phone.
  31. Getting your period while wearing white jeans.
  32. The world ending.
  33. Being in a group of new people and everyone has to say a fun fact about themselves.
  34. Anti vaxxers.
  35. Discovering when you get home from work that you had a period stain on the back of your skirt all day.
  36. When you show someone a picture in your phone, and they start scrolling, and you don’t know what they’re going to find.
  37. Catching a plane with your partner and then realising they clap at the end of flights.
  38. Going up on stage at graduation but tripping and pulling down the stage curtain whilst I epically fall off the stage (i.e. a repeat of The Lizzie McGuire Movie opening scene where I am Lizzie).
  39. Looking at your bank statement.
  40. When your wife/husband tells you the in-laws are coming to stay.
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