I don’t like to think of myself as a particularly violent person. I smile at people I pass on the street. Give up my seat to the elderly on public transport. Sometimes I’m so happy I listen to One Direction in a non-ironic way.
But, truly, I swear, if I see one more unicorn product pop up in my social media feed or frequented shopping sites I will go to the ends of the earth to find a living unicorn just so I can throttle it around its mythical head and tell it to stop already.
“I absolutely hate unicorns”. Monique Bowley, Holly Wainwright and Jessie Stephens unpack why FULLY GROWN WOMEN are so obsessed with goddamn unicorns on this week’s episode of Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues below.
There are unicorn eyeshadows. Unicorns primers. Unicorn shimmers. Unicorn bath bombs. Unicorn sneakers. Unicorn dildos (both anal and vaginal, in case you’re interested). Unicorn t-shirts and hoodies and tracksuits and singlets and pyjamas and, OH GOD I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
They’re hotter than Paris Hilton in 2006, and adult humans who pay tax and sign lease agreements and walk among us are obsessed with an imagined creature from childhood in a bid to find enjoyment in life once more.
Which, sorry to be the serious Sally that points it out, is not normal. Nor was it something that was happening 18 months ago, which makes me believes there’s but one person we can thank for it all.
Donald “I just start kissing them… I don’t even wait” Trump.
And before you accuse me of blaming things on America's new Commander-in-Chief more liberally than a prep kid in therapy, hear me out. This time, it really is his fault.
Together with Mike "I can't be alone with women" Pence and Steve "let's sit back and watch the world burn for lols" Bannon, things are bad for Americans right now. Really bad.