A couple of years ago, I finished having sex with my boyfriend, and promptly burst into tears.
Not happy, post-orgasmic tears of joy, but tears of utter defeat.
I’d tried using more lube, dedicating more time to foreplay, and paying extra attention to my clit, but nothing worked. Even my favourite porn couldn’t get me off.
I felt utterly broken.
Sex worker, Samantha X shares her tips on how to have better sex. Post continues after video.
And as a sex writer, I was conflicted. While I’d spent much of my career advocating for sex not being all about the “end goal” of reaching climax, I was now experiencing firsthand, the emotional toll of no longer being able to achieve my own.
Suddenly, I was eating my own words. Having an orgasm was important – without the release I had become accustomed to having at the end of sex, I felt empty and defeated.
And so I sobbed, openly, in front of my partner, as I rolled away from him in bed, pulling the sheets around my naked body to conceal my shame.
“Have I hurt you? What’s wrong, darling?” he asked anxiously, gently placing a hand on my shoulder.
“This is the tenth time now we’ve had sex without me being able to orgasm,” I cried.
“I know it shouldn’t matter, but it does. I feel so lost,” I confessed, using the bed sheet to blot my tears.
“What will help?” he asked back, moving in closer to wrap an arm around me.