friendship

I confess - "I love you, but I hate your kids."

She’s my best friend… there is just one problem.

I don’t make friends that easily. So to make a true heart-to-heart friend as an adult is a blessing.

You know the type. You can just be yourself when you are together. You can say whatever you want and she just gets it.

The kind of friendship you had as a teenager.

Remember that? Something you can trust in. Someone who will always be there for you? Someone who feels like family. I know it’s unusual and I should appreciate it.

Here’s the problem.

I hate her kids.

Hate is a terribly strong word but it’s true.

She doesn’t know, of course, imagine how hurt she would be?

And I don’t want to make my best friend feel bad but it feels false somehow and it is putting a strain on our relationship.

Our kids are the same age, and our husbands get along, so the puzzle pieces fit but whenever we are all together I am on edge watching her awful children.

I don’t want my daughter to be like hers. I’ve worked hard to avoid her being manipulative and wily. I feel like my daughter is down-to-earth and real. She’s no princess. But when she is around my friend’s child she switches into a bitchy, calculating prima donna.

And her son is a know-it-all nine-year-old who tells everyone what to do. My son follows him around like a puppy dog.

I want more for my kids than that.

I know we could try and stick to girl’s nights out and child-free coffees but she is always trying to get the two families together and I am forever making up excuses to keep my children away.

While my family isn’t perfect I would be horrified if my children turned out like hers.

My choices are limited aren’t they? Give up the friendship or deal with the awful kids. Neither is appealing.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m considering risking things and telling her how I feel about her children and seeing if maybe together we could talk through my issues with them, but I wonder whether this could just destroy things forever.

What would you do?

If, like this reader, you have a confession you would like advice about, email us at [email protected] with “I confess” in the subject field. Your identity will be protected and you will be contacted before publication. 

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