Excuse me, I’ve found the best fake tan in the world and feel an obligation to tell everyone I come into contact with about it.
It all began with me whinging to a friend about my goddamn pink sheets.
“Have you noticed that some fake tan turns your white sheets, pink?” I asked him.
Well, yes he had. But not just his sheets. My friend Josh had permanently stained his white leather lounge, in the shape of a human body, much to the dismay of his partner.
But Josh, you see, is a problem solver.
Listen to Mamamia Out Loud to find out the one fake tan you need.
“Jbronze is the solution,” he said with a wink that I most definitely am only imagining in retrospect. “Trust me.”
I looked him up and down and I must say, he had quite the glow. It was even, streak free, and his hands didn’t look as though he’d been handling large lumps of mud. It was… assuring.
With a wedding in a few days, I ducked out to my local pharmacy and found a bottle of Jbronze. It wasn’t as cheap as my usual, retailing at $29.95 for a 150mL bottle. But nonetheless I gave it a go.
I used a tanning mitt and loved the consistency. It was quite thick and creamy, unlike those fiddly sprays. It went on a dark brown colour, but once it was rubbed in it was invisible.
The first thing I noticed was the smell. It didn’t even smell a little bit like day old curry. Or musky artificial coconut desperately trying to mask the scent of offensive chemicals. It smelt like normal moisturiser.