Confession time: I have lovingly/angrily/begrudgingly watched every single second of The Bachelor.
Over the course of 7,256 minutes of watching (yes, I have counted), there are a few major pieces of evidence that I have gathered that prove to me that I know exactly who will be the unfortunate runner-up of every season
And with this, I am confident that Bella Valeris is about to be dumped on national television.
Listen to Mamamia’s entertainment podcast The Spill where the hosts discuss where the heck The Bachelor’s moral compass is pointing. Post continues after podcast.
To triple check that my theory checks out I have looked back at runners-up of Bachelors past and reviewed the patterns that pop up literally every damn time.
Funnily enough, the Honey Badger has thrown a lot of my stats off by not picking any winner, so for the sake of ~science~ I am removing him and his lovely contestants from my research.
Let me present the three pieces of evidence that prove Bella was never going to win The Bachelor.
THEORY #1: The runner up is never from the same place as the Bachelor.
Despite The Bachelor inviting contestants from across Australia to compete for the Bachelor’s heart, I’ve noticed a glaringly obvious trend by recapping winners and runners-up from previous seasons.
The winner is (almost) always from the same city that the Bachelor lives in, and the runner-up is never from there.
We’ve seen it with second-placer Elise from Perth going up against Matty J’s fellow-Sydneysider Laura and Tim Robards picking Sydney girl Anna Heinrich over Perth model Rochelle Emanuel-Smith.
TBH, maybe the real theory is no one from Perth can win The Bachelor?
...But this means that Bella, who lives in Sydney, is fighting an uphill battle for sometimes-Perth-sometimes-Bali local, Locky.
THEORY #2: The runner-up wears a floor-length sparkly dress with a big old plunge neck on the first red carpet.
Honestly, I’m not kidding with this. And I have screenshots to prove my point.
Enter evidence item number #1. Nikki Gogan of Richie Strathan’s season in a striking floor-length, long-sleeved gown, covered in sequins.
Followed by evidence item number #2. Elise Stacey of Matty J’s season in a stunning floor-length, long-sleeved white gown, decorated with sequin details.
And finally, evidence item number #3. Bella Valeris of Locky Gilbert’s season walking the red carpet in a floor-length, princess-esque gown, covered in speckled sequins.
All evidence has been lined up for you so you can AGREE WITH ME.